Nikhil (name changed) is the 13-year old son of a divorced woman in Bangalore. His parents divorced nearly three years ago, and Nikhil has not seen his father since. The court ordered the father to pay child support, which he did erratically for a few months. The payments then stopped coming altogether.

Propelled by Nikhil’s rising needs, his mother Shantha took up a job in a book shop. The salary being insufficient, Shantha goes four days a week to give evening tuitions in Kannada to a group of school children. Nikhil is left to his own devices for long hours, while Shantha is away. She has no relatives to help her; most of them turned their backs on her following the divorce. She does try to call Nikhil up at least once with directions on what to do.

Of course Nikhil does no such thing. He turns on the TV which has begun to shape his values and aspirations; he often welcomes home friends - many of whom are much older than him. Some of them belong to violent gangs.

Within him, Nikhil has a raging ball of fire. He has often been with his mother in situations like with the garage mechanic, the plumber, sometimes even the postmen, where it is obvious to all that the mother is being cheated, exploited and talked down to. Nikhil is old enough to understand that, but too young to do anything about it.

He has only one ambition in life – to get money quick and at any cost. Then perhaps, he feels his mother need not work and they could live in a better house. Eyes burning with feverish passion, he says to me, “I am just waiting for the right break – and then everything will change.” A ‘break’!

Social researchers tend to group children of all single parents in the same category. But, there are unique factors that impact children of divorced women, making them more prone to misbehavior and anti-social activity. This, if unchecked, can lead to deviant behaviour and borderline personality disorders.

Surveys of the 9/11 twin tower tragedy revealed that most suicide bombers were products of dysfunctional and broken homes. Saddam Hussein grew up in a single parent home (the cruel stepfather was a later addition), and so did stamp scampster Karim Telgi.

Divorce vs. Widowhood

Children experience intense deprivation when their parents divorce. If the remaining parent is a mother who is often overwhelmed with financial and emotional worries, it has significant deleterious effects for children and adolescents. The community members surround the family with care and comfort in the event of death, but this isn’t true in divorce.

A teenager I interviewed, said, “I went to Sunday school in church regularly and had lots of friends. After my parents divorced, not one reached out to see what I was feeling. It was like nobody wanted to talk about it.” The combined feelings of being rejected and ostracized for reasons beyond their control can often result in deviant behaviour and cases of Borderline Personality Disorders.

According to Ronald Akers, Professor of criminology and sociology in the US, and director of Center for Studies in Criminology and Law, “These children tend to be poorer and live in high-risk neighbourhoods for crime.”

Warnings ignored

For almost a century, experts in juvenile delinquency like W L Morrison have recognized family as the earliest and most significant factor influencing delinquency.

Where the family structure has broken down, especially where the father has left the home, where there is lack of parental supervision and other authoritative restraints, the child’s development is likely to be negative and has a greater risk of deviant behaviour.

Despite cautions, little was done to counteract the social trends of family breakdown and problems faced by children of divorce. Only the sudden and simultaneous burst of worldwide terrorist activity prompted fresh studies, which showed how global breakdown in families over the past two decades may be linked to increase in anti-social activity.

Indian scenario

According to a statistics from World Health Organization (1991), divorce rate in India is 7.41 per 1000. Though presented in 2002, based on a survey conducted in 1991, it can be assumed that 14 years later, single parenting in India has simultaneously increased as in most countries.

In Mumbai, the ‘commercial capital’ of India, marriage counselors have been noticing a steady rise in divorce cases filed at the seven family courts in the city. In 1995, there were 1,446 cases; this rose to 1,819 in 2002. Figures of ‘divorce by mutual consent’ also doubled from 530 to 989, in the same period. These Mumbai statistics are important because during the last decade or so, Bangalore has seen an unprecedented rush of persons from Mumbai and Mumbai patterns are gradually working themselves into the city tapestry.

A survey has revealed that Bangalore has the highest divorce and suicide rates among software professionals in the country. Conducted among Bangalore’s software professionals, by B J Prashantham, director of the Vellore-based Christian Counseling Center, showed that in a single unit of 100 employees, nine divorce cases were filed during the three months of the investigation.

The family is the link to socialization in a child’s environment. When a family is broken up by divorce, the natural consequence would be to affect the child’s social behaviour. In 1991, researchers Amato and Keith examined the results of 92 studies involving 13,000 children ranging from preschool to young adulthood to determine what the overall results indicated that children from divorced families are on "average" somewhat worse off than children from intact families. These children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents.”

One study tracked a sample of 6,000 males aged 14-22 from 1979-93, and found young men growing up in homes without fathers are twice as likely to end up in jail as those who come for traditional two-parent families.

Similar studies haven’t been done in India, but the effect of divorce is the same wherever it takes place.

Though no study in India has yet linked rising divorce with upsurge in crime, new figures could be the indicator. The National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), Ministry of Home, Government of India, in its official annual publication: Crime in India 1997 reported record number of all-India crime offense for the year. Delhi is reported to have the highest share of urban crime, followed by Mumbai and Bangalore. NCRB’s 2002 report shows a steep all-India increase in juvenile delinquency.

Emotional tremors

Evidence is piling up to show that where children are concerned, emotional tremors register on the psychological Richter scale even many years after their parents divorced.

As a youth pastor’s wife for more than sixteen years, Mishti Turner (name changed) had the opportunity of talking to hundreds of children from single parent homes. Some of the cries she heard were: “I wonder if my mother and father ever really loved each other. Isn’t love supposed to last forever?”

“I think it was my fault because I heard mom and dad fighting over me.”

It is time for those in authority to step in and take initiatives in this crucial area. Spend time investigating feelings, establish a channel of communication, help the children interact with others so that their inward journey of self-torture is arrested, provide spiritual direction, provide positive identification for single-parent homes, so that many of their challenges could be lessened and children could feel less ‘abnormal’.

The author of this piece has set up Effective Single Parenting to equip, empower and encourage single mothers and their children. For further details, call E S P. at 25493350. Email: espbangalore@rediffmail.com