Software engineer Akshay Sethia, arrives on a pristine white horse decorated with gold-threaded saddle and a regal sehera on his head. A full-fledged baraat, complete with dancing and hooting, follows him.

He receives a warm welcome from the bride’s relatives who usher him inside the wedding hall and then quickly march him into one of the rooms. After 10 minutes or so, out comes Akshay, in a white panché and a sparkling mysore peta on his head and greets the bride, Seethalakshmi Pradeep who’s dolled up in a nine-yard kanjeevaram saree.

“Our marriage must have looked completely perplexing to an outsider. We had mehndi and sangeet and then vara puja.

Akshay came in a baraat and then we got married in typical Kannadiga Brahmin style,” recalls Seethalakshmi who had this mish-mash wedding this time last year. Akshay’s a Marwari Jain and Seethalakshmi’s a Madhwa Brahmin. But these caste distinctions made no difference to their families who gladly agreed to marry them off.

It has been nearly sixty years of Independence and though we have always claimed to be ‘united in diversity’, that has hardly been the case when it comes to crunch occasions such as inter-community/state marriages.

Even a few years ago, say if a Malayalee fell in love with a Bengali, the acrimony between the families would have to be seen to be believed — think ferocious fathers, stony mothers, gossip-happy relatives. Such unions have even led to terrible tragedies in some states. Young couples have committed suicide; fathers have hunted and gunned down daughters’ lovers and large-scale violence has broken out between communities, all because a Dalit boy fell in love with a Brahmin girl...

Not that these things don’t occur now. But times, they are a changing, almost from the nineties when liberalisation set in.  A booming economy meant more jobs which meant more migration which in turn metamorphed our cities into gigantic melting pots. Today, Marwaris, UPites, Maharashtrians and Kannadigas, irrespective of gender, share their lunch boxes, their time and many times, share much more than that.

For this age’s lovebirds, caste and religion differences does not matter as much as compatibility and love. Says Satish who is married to Shilpa Verghese, “My parents are a so-called ‘mixed breed’ themselves! My dad’s a Maharashtrian and mom’s a Kodava. So they had absolutely  no problem is giving the green signal.” Satish’s marriage two years ago was a lavish affair that incorporated Kodava, Maratha and Malayalee traditions!

The world wide web too has contributed to the rising instances of inter-community marriages. Youngsters browse popular matrimonial sites such as shaadi.com, bharatmatrimony.com etc and though these websites have community-specific sub-sites, many say they don’t really go by that when they are searching for life partners.

“What I look for is good looks, a decent family background and similar tastes,” says Deepti, a post-grad student, candidly. “If the one I like happens to be from some other State, I will cross that bridge later.”

When it comes to the actual wedding, all the differences and similarities come into sharp focus. Food, wedding  attires, rituals — all have been modified, reworked or aped. Take the marriage of Sushmita Chowdhry, a Bengali with Mysorean Sridhar R.

The menu had everything from Kosambari and gojju to rumali rotis, ‘gobi manchuri’, malai koftas and set dosas (Most of these preparations, mind you, are neither Bengali nor Kannadiga!) The attire too has changed from traditional red or white sarees to swarovski-encrusted georgettes and lavishly embroidered lehengas, irrespective of which state the bride is from.

As for the rituals, it is ‘national integration’ at its best! Says marriage pundit Sudhendrachar, “I have conducted marriages where I paused every now and then to explain the rituals to the groom who could not understand Kannada.”

In one memorable wedding, he conducted ‘half the marriage’, that is till the mangalsutra was tied and then the ceremonies were taken over by the ‘North Indian’ purohit for the saat pheras!

If you thought such touching ‘united we’ feeling is only restricted to weddings, think again. Many couples live in quite the mix n’ match fashion after marriage too. Though some relinquish their particular customs and traditions and blend seamlessly into the husband’s family’s ways, others do both this and that. Shilpa, for instance, religiously celebrates Onam as well as Ganesh Chaturthi.

At home, they eat everything from neer dosas to avial to puran poli! “Festivals are a good time to bond...our differences only make the rituals more interesting for me,” she says.

Says marriage counsellor Pritha Shah, “youngsters today have economic independence and that gives them the confidence to follow their heart.” She adds that this can only augur well for the society. “Their offspring will hopefully grow up in an open-hearted atmosphere and learn to appreciate rather than be wary of our diversity,” she says.

Perhaps cosmopolitan cities and love are slowly but surely achieving for India what many thinkers and leaders could only dream of  real life unity in diversity.