Dear Madam,

This is about my nephew who is in the 9th standard. He is good in his studies. However, his parents are very worried about his irresponsible, childish behaviour and in the way he talks to others. This is true to a certain extent. The parents keep advising him and when he turns a deaf ear to them, they get depressed and scold him. I do not want my nephew or his parents to suffer from a long-term effect due to this. Is this a common problem, which will fade away? How do they tackle this? Should they meet a counsellor?

Sindhu

Dear Sindhu,

The data provided by you is inadequate for me to get full insight into the problem. Having said that, the reasons for his behaviour could be many. Do consider the following:
He could be living up to the labels, ‘irresponsible’, ‘childish’, etc.

His social skills are not developmentally age appropriate. Doing well in academics does not necessarily mean that he has matured in all areas of development.

His parents are probably nagging him. They are ‘telling’ him about his bad behaviour, which he is already aware of. Have they provided him with the right alternatives?

This could also be attention-seeking behaviour. He probably would not mind if it is positive or negative attention.
Here are a few tips that can be tried out:

Please do not label him. Children are not brands to be labelled. There is this story told of some scientists who wanted to see if they could change the jumping habits of a type of fly that jumped high. They therefore put these flies into a short bottle for a few days. On being released they found that the flies could now only jump the height of the bottle. That is exactly what happens to ‘branded’ children, - they live up to the label.

The family should have conversations with him on matters other than his behaviour. This way he will understand that he can participate at an intelligent level. In addition, after an episode of childish behaviour, they should communicate about the behaviour. Some questions that could be asked are:    

What was good about your behaviour?

What was bad about your behaviour?

If you had a chance to do it again, how will you behave differently?

What help do you want from me?

This will bring love and understanding into the situation.

The parents are role models. By scolding or shouting at him, they are not showing him the best way to handle situations.

They could also give him ‘specific’ responsibilities in the house. He will then realise that he is being treated as a responsible person.

With the change in approach, there ought to be changes in your nephew’s behaviour. If there is no change, then you should consider meeting a Counsellor or Psychologist.

Dear Madam,
I am 23 years old. I have not yet passed my 2nd PUC, as I was not interested in studies at that time. I have joined B.Sc (I.T) through correspondence. I am working as a Dialler Specialist since 3 years. Overall I have worked for 5 years. Now I really don’t know what to do next? If I try for a different job they ask for a degree.
I am really confused.

Sameera

Dear Sameera,
I am glad that you have realised the importance of education. I am a little confused with your question. You say, that you do not know what to do next, but you have already enrolled in a correspondence course to do your Degree. You have made a decision and also put your decision into practice.

However, is your problem, that you are worried that you may not have made the right choice? In that case, a good option will be to go to a Career Counsellor. A Career Counsellor will match ‘YOU’ to a career. The other option is for you to introspect about yourself. Think about your personality strengths and weaknesses. Your abilities, aptitudes, likes, interests, subject strengths etc. Write this down. Then match the person you are to a career. Remember at the heart of a career choice is the answer to the question, who am I?

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