Elizabeth Taylor is in the news again. And that means matrimony is in the air. Having returned her nineth husband-gentleman – construction worker Larry Fortenski – to the dime store, she is reported to have invited nominations to fill the vacant lot of her 10th husband.
According to an Associated Press dispatch from Hollywood, ageing thespian Michael Wilding might be asked to report for duty on the double, but there are complications.
Wilding was Liz Taylor's third (or was it the fourth?) husband and if he does respond to the call-up and decides to fill in the breach in Ms Taylor’s matrimonial hearth, would he be the eagerly awaited 10th husband or a mere third husband returning to bat after retiring hurt?
Some people collect stamps. Others mint coins and bone china, but “grand dames” like Elizabeth Taylor set their sights high and go gunning for big game-they collect husbands.
Having ensnared an unsuspecting male, they will coo over him in exclusive interviews to glossies – “Jack is a perfect gentleman” or “At last I know what real love is,” or “John loves me for my own sake.”
Barbara Hutton, heiress to the Woolworth fortune was another “femme fatale who ran through a string of thoroughbred husbands before calling it quits. She once told her biographer, “I find husbands useful knick knacks to have around the house.”
Male chauvinists, did you hear that? You are mere knick-knacks.
Millionaire hotelier Conrad Hilton Jr who was Liz Taylor's second husband once ran smack into her in the lobby of a Roe hotel.
Not losing his celebrated insouciance' over this awkward encounter, he doffed his top hat, bowed low and enquired gallantly: “How do you do, madam? I hope you remember me. I once used to be your husband.”
But to be fair to Ms Taylor, though, she hasn't changed her personal maid or chauffeur as frequently as husbands which is perfectly understandable, for good and reliable maids and chauffeurs are hard to come by whereas husbands are - cinch (and pushovers). Just ring up the nearest matrimonial bureau and a year's supply will be delivered at your back door along with coal and victuals.
Collecting husbands, is certainly more exciting (and less expensive) than collecting Picassos and Rembrandts.