Dear Madam,
I am 18 years old and in the 5th semester of BE in Computer Science. I am very interested in Computers and had a craze from childhood to become a software engineer or anything in the field of computers. Till now I have excelled with quite good marks in my subjects except for Maths in which I am very weak.

Because of this subject, I have lost my eligibility to attend my 3rd year classes and as per VTU rules I can attend my 5th semester only from August 2008. This situation has caused a lot of chaos in my career, as I have to waste a year.
Now I am left with two options:
To do some courses for a year and continue with Engineering or to quit Engineering and go for some other short-term courses, which would have some weightage. And if I quit, which courses can I do successfully / complete in 2 years and get a good career? I will do it as I have the capability to explore new fields.
Ramya

Dear Ramya,
I would like to point out a few contradictions in your mind – You say you are weak in Maths and yet you are doing well in your Computer Science subjects. Both, Maths and Computer Science need logical thinking, - how is it that your logical thinking skills work for Computer Science and not for Maths?

And then again – you want suggestions for courses to do and have the confidence in your capability to explore new fields – my question then is how is it that you are prepared to explore unknown areas but not do the same for Maths!

You need to answer some questions honestly and truthfully for yourself.

Are you interested in Maths? On what basis have you concluded that you are weak in Maths? Do you practice Maths regularly?

Let us now look at your dilemma of whether to quit Engineering or continue after a year’s gap.

The only way I can answer this question is to give you some thought processes. You need to do self-introspection and come to your own decisions.

*Why did the thought of quitting come to your mind? Is it only because you are going to waste a year or are there any other reasons in your mind?

*Are you ready to give up something you are familiar with for the unknown?

*On the other hand will you be able to make a clean break with no regrets that you have quit. Will you be able to put your heart and soul into your new courses?

*Finally are you not aware that mathematical abilities/skills are an asset for a career in Computer Science?

You also seem to have decided that you need to complete your studies by a certain time. You would have finished Engineering in 2 years if you had not lost a year; hence you are prepared to give 2 years time for the change in your courses.

This reminds me of a businessman who was very upset that his son had been detained in a class. When I asked him why he was so upset, he said that he would come one year later into the business. Calculation in terms of money! What are your calculations based on?

Dear Madam,
Feeling a bit relieved to write to you. From the time before my puberty itself I was longing for homosexuality. I turned out to be one but now I realise that it is too difficult to live with that identity. I sometimes feel so humiliated when people tease me and now I want to change. I did try many times but in vain for after a few days I succumbed to those thoughts. I enjoy it as an instinct, then I think it is a vice. I have wasted so many wonderful years in those thoughts and also gone down very badly in my academics. Right now I don’t have any vision for myself in which I would like to see myself in future. I am used to masturbation but want to come out of it. Can you tell me some techniques to forgo the woes of character and gain self-respect?
Ad

Dear Ad
It is not very easy to answer your question, as you have not given all the relevant data, for e.g. I do not know your age. I do not know what educational course you are pursuing. I also do not know how others have come to know about your homosexual leanings.

From the data given by you, I gather that you have thoughts of homosexual sex leading to masturbation. The two are tied in with each other and are not separate issues. It is just the same as a person having thoughts of heterosexual sex leading to masturbation.

 It is a positive thing that you want to change and the need is coming from within you and is not based on any pressure from anybody else.

The first thing is for you to stop regretting your past for in your regrets you are wasting the present. You are thus also keeping your thoughts of sex alive creating a vicious cycle.

You must also avoid any material that stimulates you sexually, - this will include the print and electronic media or for that matter any discussion on sexual matters with your friends.

Try to get involved with a group, which deals with a social cause that is dear to your heart. Martin Luther King Junior said, ‘Life’s most urgent question is: what are you doing for others?’

Do you play a game? If not, - you must. A game not only makes you physically tired but also leads to mental growth and development of social skills. 

It would also be a good idea to make positive affirmations to yourself.

Close your eyes and visualise the statement deeply and with deep concentration. For e.g. I am healthy in body and mind. I respect my body.

Make up your own affirmations and write them down and visualise them making it a part of ‘you’.

However if you are already in an active homosexual relationship, please consider breaking it immediately as you cannot hope to change while being in such a relationship. Further apart from practicing the given suggestions, you can consider counselling from a psychologist.