What many of us get and give as gifts are clothes, show-pieces, crockery/cutlery and such other utilitarian items. But are they really utilitarian? Often, these gifts turn out to be repeats or not-to-our taste.

Urging viewers to gift chocolates as one can presumably never go wrong with them (what if the recipient is a diabetic?!), an advertisement on television shows a couple’s attempts to get rid of a “show piece” that has been gifted to them — only to have it gifted back to them by some one else! This has been the experience of many in the act of gift giving and receiving.

With bursting wallets, middle class India seems to be on a gifting spree. Every occasion is seen as a gifting opportunity. Those who have received gifts want to “return” them. So attend a wedding, gift the couple and come away with gifts. Children attending birthday parties are no longer content with cakes and games. They want return gifts. Surely, most of the people in this “game” of gifting have most things they need (and want). Still we do not seem to want to change this.

This kind of casual gifting seems to be a sign of our culture becoming increasingly consumerist. With every gift comes the packaging, which invariably adds to our garbage problem.

In earlier times, events such as marriages and house warming ceremonies drained family finances. And hence, close relatives and friends contributed in cash and kind to help the family tide over the difficulties. Now most of these occasions are large social gatherings with even casual acquaintances trooping in and out with “gifts”. True, there are a few families which say no to gifts in their invitation cards but these requests are often ignored with a “how can one go empty handed?”

So, people carry bouquets. One look at the wilted mass of flowers the next day ought to dissuade people from gifting flowers at large functions like weddings. Flowers or other things that come as gifts are meant to be enjoyed over time. Gifts should lift your spirits, meet a need or convey some special bond and not become ritualistic or viewed as a prestige issue.

There is no denying the joy that a “well thought of gift” brings both to the giver and the recipient. Well thought of gifts need not be materialistic. Spending time with a loved one, offering to help a friend with her chores while she is swamped with work can also be gifts. Many people are now turning philanthropic activities into gifts and vice versa. So you have couples, who donate all the gifts received at their wedding to charity, and guests who donate to charity in the name of the couple, instead of gifting them.

Oxfam undertakes such activities as providing lighting to rural homes from “gifts/contributions” received during Christmas and New Year. What ever be the budget, gifting can become a much more meaningful activity like this, only if we take the trouble to change our mind set.