Is it that pleasing tingle when she touches you the first time, and every time? Or is it the nights you stay awake re-reading those cards he has written to you? Is it being lost in day dreams of that special somebody when the world around you is going about its own boring business?

Or is it holding hands in the dark movie hall unmindful of how uncomfortable it is to eat popcorn with your wrong hand?  Is it that choking pain in your heart when his cell is off and he is not back home well past his usual time? Or is it telling her the food is great when you are actually choking over those half-done chapatis?

Is it chucking a good career to move with him to a place far away where there are no other friends, or internet or electricity? Or is it that unshed tear in your eye when she's being wheeled into the labour room, all alone, with her scared eyes hunting for yours? What's love? An undefinable feeling? There are reams written about love but nobody really can define what love means to an individual.

It can be lost in all-consuming jealousy; it can be elevated to spirituality; it can be an all-consuming passion where nothing else matters; it can be a dreary, boring, pedestrian feeling that does nothing to your insides; it can be an emotion that need not be expressed at all; it can be a feeling that can be expressed by a single glance....the definitions of love are mesmerising, to say the least.

And if one really has to know and understand this great emotion, if it can be termed one, who better than couples who have already been there, done that?

Couples in different stages of their relationship give their answers to the question we put them: What does love really mean to them? The answers are as fascinating as love itself.


Sumati and Sameer

While Sameer is a highly decorated third generation Army officer who has spent time in the difficult terrains of Kashmir and Siachen and even participated in the Kargil war, Sumati is a happy-go-lucky homemaker with a ringing laugh. They have a naughty five-year-old son and another baby on the way.

"Even after seven years of being together, if you still want to be with the same person, you are obviously not bored. If you still wait for him to get back home every day so that you can be together again — I guess that's love," says the pretty Army wife. "I have never understood these intellectual concepts of giving each other space and privacy. I like to be with him all the time. To the extent that sometimes I even wait impatiently outside the bathroom for him to come out so that I can talk to him. He always has the power to convince me about anything.

I think I am so much in love with him that I never feel what he is saying is wrong. Though he might be,” she grins. He is different, she says. "He never forces me to cook when I don't feel like doing it. He lets me do things my way. He ensures that I am independent, allows me to drive confidentially. Those are his expressions of love," she explains.

Renuka and Manendra

Both Manendra and Renuka are extremely busy working professionals in Delhi with a stylish flat in Kaushambi.

They met in the same office and got married soon after the upwardly mobile executive moved over to a new workplace. They have a newborn baby whose cute gibberish is adding music to their lives.

"Love is...buying a diamond ring for her on her birthday. And, more importantly, letting her use the loo first even if I'm getting late for work," grins Manendra, after a bit of serious thinking. "I think the definition of love keeps changing with the stage your relationship is in," he says. "Five years ago, when I first got to know Renuka, for me, love was planning what we would do in the evening or the next day. We were not committed to the extent of spending a life together. The financial angle was not there at all. Now, after four years of marriage, a sense of responsibility has come in. Now, love means planning for the years to come. I try to ensure that she will be financially secure ten years from now. As much as it is possible, I try to be there for her — both physically as well as emotionally.”

Deepti and Puneet

Puneet is a pilot with Air India Express and Deepti is a doctor employed with Safdarjung Hospital, Delhi. They have a pretty seven-year-old daughter. With Puneet in and out of Delhi on his various international flights, Deepti handles the house, her job and her daughter's parent-teacher meets single handedly. But when PK, as she affectionately calls her husband, is back, they are a family once again.

The Parikhs had a fairy tale romance when the cute medical intern fell in love with the dashing Air Force fighter pilot . "That was ages ago," laughs Deepti. Since then, she has had a change of hospitals and he has left the Air Force. So what is love according to her? "Is it cleaning the room that he has left dirty?" she wonders. "Or is it eating lauki ki sabzi with him when he is on a health food fetish? I guess both.” She says, she treasures the hugs he gives her when he is leaving for a flight and when he gets back. Puneet is shy and very practical, whereas Deepti is a sentimental Piscean. He's a vegetarian and she's a hard-core chicken freak. "When I tell him he doesn't get me flowers, he says he ensures that the car is topped up for me when he is not around and it's in perfect running condition — that's his expression of love," she says with a smile.

Noopur and Piyush

With Piyush working in Kuala Lumpur, Noopur staying in Ahmedabad where she works with the Delhi Public School and two grown-up sons, the Panwars get to spend very little time together. But they ensure that it is quality time.

"Mid-life is a very difficult period for love in a marriage," says a thoughtful Piyush. "When you're young there is so much to do. The relationship is new, you're still exploring the world together, there are very few responsibilities, life is a lot of fun. In old age, couples can look back on all the years they have spent together and derive a lot of satisfaction from kids who are settled. They can spend a relaxed, contented time together."

"Mid-life is different. This is the time when there are loans to repay, ambitions perhaps not going the right way, teenage kids making life go haywire. There is so much on your mind that you tend to forget things like anniversaries, birthdays etc. Love takes a backseat. You have no time for hobbies or for each other. And this is the reason why you need to work the hardest to ensure that love stays. Small joys and small successes of your loved ones need to be cherished. Since I and Noopur get to spend very little time together, we try to ensure that it is quality time. We enjoy revisiting restaurants we used to go to earlier and talk about old times. Since she likes clothes, I buy them for her; she enjoys visiting new places so I try to plan interesting holidays for her. As for her, she ensures that I get my methi paranthas and gili khichdi whenever I'm home."

Uma and Rawat

The jovial Army officer and his graceful wife look perfect together - whether they are tending to the drooping Irish Ivy in their beautiful house or taking their shaggy black Llasa Apso for a walk. With children settled and grandchildren growing fast, the two have time for each other. A shared love for gardening and meeting people keeps them busy and their house full of guests all the time.

"The common impression is that love diminishes with age and as one grows, love also starts fading along with the person. Let me tell you this is a gross misconception," says Col (Retd) Rawat.

"With age, the perception of love changes but it remains as strong, maybe even stronger. The meaning of love is not necessarily physical attraction. It goes beyond it. Love is understanding your companion and respecting her feelings and sentiments. It means honouring each others' views, sentiments and needs.”

“ The man and woman are now true friends - complementary to each other; more caring and concerned for each other than they were perhaps ever before. Neither of the partners is superior or inferior. Both are equal and complementary to each other.”

At this stage, with all their commitments behind them, they seem to be made for each other. They care for each other and enjoy each others' company. “I have always maintained and have been advising the younger generation that the second phase of honeymoon is far better and more enjoyable than the first phase and it lasts lifelong. Only, pray to God to grant you good health and hopefully you have planned for adequate financial support to avoid unnecessary worries".