Anthony Gonsalves is the finest human being in Mumbai. He speaks no evil, hears no evil, but accidentally sees some evil, that too, don stuff. He promptly runs to the priest to confess what he saw. But the confession happens to be a bit loud. It even reaches a thief in the other corner of the church, blissfully breaking open a ‘donation box’.

The secret is out and there is a gun on Anthony’s head. But he doesn’t want to go to police and trap the dons as one of them is his guardian-cum-mentor.

Director E Niwas then decides that the bullets should wait, because Anthony the bartender is also chasing a Bollywood dream.

Anil Kapoor makes a special appearance to teach the aspiring Anthony the “four pillars of acting”. Sorry Anil, your sermon doesn’t work. Nikhil Dwivedi (in a dud debut) fails to even shake off that rather big ghost of Shah Rukh Khan. His histrionics doesn’t go past the elementary level.

By the way, what was that adorable Lillete Dubey doing in this no-brainer? Probably she too didn’t use her grey matter while agreeing to play the Cannes-hopping NRI director. She is on a talent hunt to India for her next film which is an amateurish take on Julius Caesar, and you almost scream “You too Lillete.”

Amrita Rao gives her share of headache to the viewers. She is just expected to cry in a cemetery or hang out with a non-happening hero. Mithun Chakraborty offers an ounce of relief in the end as the priest who packs a punch. There is also some pleasant distraction in the form of a brilliant Pawan Malhotra.

That was Anthony ‘Gone’salves for you.