Soon after word spread that Sarah Kay and Matt Lacks were conducting an office romance, Kay found herself in the office of the director of human resources. There was a time when such a meeting would have signaled the end of the relationship, and even jeopardised the employees’ careers.
Yet as Kay, 29, cheerfully recounted, the human resources director told her, “We’re just all really glad that you made a friend.” That some people believe they can openly date co-workers without endangering their job reflects what those who study the workplace and several surveys suggest: The conventional wisdom about dating the person in the next cubicle is passé.
Despite years of stern warnings about the pitfalls of seeking love in the workplace, more workers think dating a colleague is not only acceptable, but logical. Those who follow the evolution of the workplace romance say the stigma may be fading because the line between business and personal life is blurring among younger workers.
They are working longer hours. Their workplaces encourage collaboration. And, of course, most single people are in the workforce. “I graduated from college seven and a half years ago, and with the exception of maybe two people, I’ve only dated people I work with,” said Kay, who has never lost sleep wondering whether workplace dating was professional or even allowed.
Kay and Lacks, 26, employees at the Jewish Community Centre in Manhattan, shared lunch breaks, dating disaster stories and daily e-mail lists about things that made them happy. Last year, Lacks, who had left the community centre after getting a dream job at a sports marketing agency, proposed to Kay. In the last three years, 14 other employees of the community centre have married or moved in together. “I am aware that there are potential issues,” said the centre’s Executive Director, Joy Levitt, but “when they meet each other and fall in love it only enhances their commitment to their jobs.”
As it turns out, more comfortable than one might think. An online survey this year by CareerBuilder.com found a significant drop in the number of workers who are keeping an office romance a secret, down from 46 per cent in 2005 to 34 per cent in 2007. About half of workers say they have dated a co-worker, according to CareerBuilder.com surveys. Every workplace culture is different, with some less tolerant of office dating.
Giving advice
A survey last year by the Society for Human Resource Management and CareerJournal.com found that, overall, there was fading concern about potential sexual harassment allegations but increasing concern that office dating could cause conflict among jilted lovers. To that end there are now magazine articles and websites that not only condone going to work and picking up more than a paycheck, but that also offer advice on how to successfully do so. In “Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding — and Managing — Romance on the Job”, the writers Stephanie Losee and Helaine Olen say the workplace is the new village — and therefore an ideal place to find love.
Losee said the growing acceptance of office dating is something of a backlash against dating websites. “I’m not surprised that the Internet has not proven to be the locus of community we thought it would be,” she said, citing the notion in Robert D Putnam’s book, “Bowling Alone”, that “we need to be physically near each other to feel happier and better in our everyday lives.”
“Where do we still have that physical proximity of neighbourhoodliness?” she said. “It's at the office.” People who work together have time to get to know one another, Losee and Olen said in interviews, to see how potential paramours behave under stress or how they treat the secretary. Unlike online daters, singles in the workplace are less likely to dismiss a good prospect based on quick judgments.
Check the policy
For anyone considering an office romance, suggests Peter Post, a Director of the Emily Post Institute and an author of “The Etiquette Advantage in Business,” first check the company policy. If it is not forbidden, the rules to follow should be obvious.
Keep the smooching and romantic talk at home. Attempts to regulate office relationships are not just meant to avoid sexual harassment claims. Romance among colleagues can lead to unfair and unethical treatment, and to a poisonous atmosphere that affects many others. In the new book “Giving Notice: Why the Best and the Brightest Leave the Workplace and How You Can Help Them Stay” (Jossey-Bass), Freada Kapor Klein explains how unproductive, even hostile, a work environment can be if there is a culture of crudeness or rampant extramarital affairs.
Yet Kapor Klein, the Founder of the Level Playing Field Institute, advises companies to write policies stating that workers will not be fired for dating, but can be fired for not disclosing it. “Keep in mind the current success rate of marriage is about 50-50,” Kapor Klein said. “Thinking in terms of probability, what do you think the odds are of an office romance working out? Has to be less than 50-50. Think about how it’s going to feel to sit in a staff meeting with somebody who you had a breakup with. Think about it. And then take a reasonable risk.”
Source: New York Times
