‘Sharm Karo, Govinda!,” screamed a headline across the frowning visage of Star News recently. It was accompanied by repeated shots of the actor slapping a visitor on his sets. Then followed an interview where the reporter pussyfooted around the actor’s temper and encouraged him to vent on and on.

Later the same “report” was run by the channel with an almost abusive voice over that accused Govinda of being an uncouth human-being and an unrepentant bully. A few months ago, a television actress’ husband was tailed by TV reporters who asked him incessantly why his wife had filed an FIR against him. Did he beat her? Was he drunk right now? When the man snapped and exhaled in the face of a reporter, the channel exploded with righteous anger about how the man had insulted the press.     

What is news afterall? Is it unvarnished reportage? Is it a comment? Or a judgement? What are news channels? Are they purveyors of information? Are they kangaroo courts where erring celebrities and under-performing cricketers are stoned in absentia and family feuds resolved? Are they horror shows? Puppet shows? Comedy shows?

At a recent show organised by CNN IBN in Bangalore, a man said, “I miss the news in news.” He was right. No matter which news channel you switch on today, you are likely to see a show featuring news rather than just news.

A few weeks back, a leading English news channel was running a report on the state of Saif Ali Khan’s forearm, which in case you did not know, has been altered irrevocably. He has, you see, tattooed the name of his latest girlfriend (in Devanagri in case you are interested) on it. Another very serious news channel strains its brains routinely about who is the emperor and who the king of Bollywood and ran SMS polls last year to find out whether Shah Rukh Khan had upstaged Amitabh Bachchan with his performance in KBC. Nothing however can beat the melodrama that Hindi channels like Aaj Tak and Star News drum up.

Whether it is a nobody called Jhanvi who slits her wrists before Abhishek Bachchan’s impending nuptials or Aishwarya Rai’s supposed Mangal Dosha, these channels put the world on hold to flood air time with incessant rantings. Ram Gopal Varma recently commented in an interview that he was fascinated by the ‘talent’ with which news is presented today to the viewers and that he almost became afraid for the Bachchans when a channel played up Aishwarya’s supposedly ill-aligned stars and foretold disaster!

Star News takes particular pride in scavenging filth and once encouraged a little girl to talk in detail about how she saw her father brutally murder her mother. On another occasion, they set up an influential man against his son and daughter-in-law and both sides fought dirty over a child’s custody.

They also showed in detail, a report about a blind teacher who allegedly tried to rape a student, also blind!
Of course, we are grateful that news vigilantes are out there, stinging corrupt ministers, canvassing for rape and acid attack victims and showing us the mess our governments wallow in.

Yes, we have all been shaken, stirred and entertained by news channels. Someone please pass on some news now. News, that does not scream, giggle or rant. News that is just news.