Children have developmental stages. They exhibit certain behaviour at each stage of their development. When we see behaviour that is not connected with their developmental stages, it can be stress related and a cause for concern.
How can teachers and parents recognise stress in a child?
When identifying stress in children, we look for types of behaviour which come in clusters. Within these clusters, though, one or two types of behaviour will persist for a longer period of time. When children are stressed, they cannot understand their own feelings. Behaviour and reaction is the indicator of the level of stress.
At KG level a child might demonstrate stress by hanging on to the parents, crying a great deal, throwing temper tantrums and suddenly developing fears. It may be fear of the dark, a shape or an animal. Bed wetting could re-appear and general incontinence. Stressed children at this level often have high sensitivity to sudden, or loud noises. Their reaction is a clear sign of stress.
When children reach elementary school age, they are more verbal and should be able to talk to their parents about the stress they feel and voice their problems. This isn’t always the case though, so they might act out their stress and unhappiness in uncharacteristic behaviour. They will complain of stomach-ache, head-ache, sore throat. Have no appetite, or, alternatively, want to eat more and more ‘comfort’ food. Appear dull and lethargic and seem not to recover completely from colds and flu. They might want to stay home, even when they are well. Wanting to go frequently to the bathroom is another sign. Often, sleep patterns are disrupted and nightmares become common. Bed wetting and ‘baby talk’ frequently occur.
Stressed children often express their stress through anger. They might bully other children. A normally passive child might suddenly become aggressive and irritable, exhibiting disruptive behaviour; refusing to go to school, or start failing subjects they are normally good at. Socially they become withdrawn and lose interest in friends; isolation sets in. Communication might be an issue at the end of this stage.
Once the child becomes a teenager, things change. The usual conversational child who was once happy to talk about problems with parents, might now be mute. This is the time that a child denies that anything is wrong and refuses to talk about it. Stressed teenagers can become like elementary school children. They suffer the same trauma and will withdraw into immature behaviour – bed wetting etc. Most worryingly, stressed teenagers often engage in dangerous practices, which put their health and lives at risk; they might develop suicidal tendencies and experiment with drugs and alcohol. Many teenagers become non-conformist and fall prey to negative outside influences. They experience ‘growing up’ fears and their performance at school is often affected. The children might not share their fears with teachers or parents, but their behaviour will speak volumes. Parents can feel totally bewildered by these changes in their child.
Why do children become stressed?
Many psychologists, who research childhood and education, believe that an important cause of stress is how children think about themselves and their ability. If the child starts to think of themselves in a negative way, they will avoid tasks and situations that challenge ability. They feel they cannot take the risk of failure.
Stress can come from within a child, or from outside influences; which includes the family, school, friends and environment. At the very beginning, for example, at KG, separation anxiety is the greatest cause of stress; then as the child develops, academic and social pressures add to their stress.
Parents, unknowingly, add to the stress in their children’s lives. They often have high expectations for their children, although the child might not have the level of ability, or motivation, to live up to their parent’s expectations. A recent survey showed that ‘pushy parents’ are the greatest contributors to children’s stress! Parents often enroll their children in too many activities, in the foolish belief that their child can excel at everything. This often causes the child unnecessary stress and frustration, because the goals of the parents are not always compatible with the child’s ability, or even its desires. Children who are so busy that they do not have time for free, creative play, or relaxation after school, begin to feel stressed and overwhelmed.
It’s not always easy in a family situation, but parents need to be careful how they talk about their jobs and their own stresses. Is someone sick in the family? Are the parents fighting with each other over personal matters? Is the family in financial trouble? Be careful how you discuss these issues when the children are present, because a child will pick up on parental anxiety and start to worry themselves. Domestic friction, illness of a loved one, the death of a family member, divorce, all these factors contribute to a child’s stress.
Children who watch disturbing and violent images on TV or hear talk about plane crashes, war, terrorism, may start to worry about their own safety and the safety of their family. Talk to your child about what they see and hear and check what they watch on TV. Reassure your child and help them understand what they see. Explain disasters and world problems in terms they understand and feel secure about.
How can teachers help a child who is stressed?
Children are often unwilling, or have difficulty discussing the issue of stress. A way in, might be to discuss, in moderation, your own fears and stresses. Be careful, we do not want to burden a child with our own problems, merely show them that they are not alone in experiencing stress. This will encourage and re-assure a child, because they will see that you are willing to discuss your worries and they will feel that they can talk to you about their own issues.
If a child continues to exhibit symptoms of stress, the symptoms are cause for serious anxiety and the child is unable to talk about their stress, it might be time to consult with the head teacher and ask for the help of a counsellor, or another type of care specialist.
How can parents deal with the stress in their child?
Listen to your children; they will begin to complain about the activities they attend and refuse to attend the activities – these are all signals that a child gives out to parents, that ‘enough is enough.’ They are telling their parent “I am stressed, please listen to me.” In cases like this, parents need to talk to their child – give them options – maybe by stopping some activities. If they cannot stop an activity suddenly, then discuss ways in which the child can manage their time more effectively, so that stress is not part of the timetable. Empathise with your child and see their point of view at all times.
Parents need to make time for their child each day. Make yourself available for talk and discussion and, as the child matures, this type of quality time is the most important thing you can share with your child. For busy working parents it is very difficult to get down and play with their children and talk to them about the child’s day, especially if the parent has had a hard day at work. Never the less, it is important for parents to be there for their children and spend time with them, so that children can move out of stress and make it a positive experience. Parents need to show an interest in their child’s life, because it is the way loving parents tells their children that they are very important to them.
