Having a baby is a joy best known to couples who experience it. Many take this decision either out of societal pressure or out of personal choice. Yet it is not uncommon to find couples who feel burdened with new responsibility once they have children. The freedom in terms of going out on movie dates and dinners seem a thing of the past. If you are familiar with this situation, then you'll be relieved to know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of others who find marital bliss good but also find the entrant of the third member in the family a joy along with huge responsibilities, sometimes to the extent of being an intrusion into their privacy. Are today's couples adequately prepared to face this situation?
Says child and adolescent psychologist, Yeshashwini Kamaraju - “Whether it is the working woman or the homemaker, both come across stressful situations and it is very natural for couples, especially mothers, to feel a bit overwhelmed with the situation around and the new responsibility of handling a baby. Adequately, they need to have a good support system, either in the form of in-laws, parents or help at home. Couples need to understand what their priorities are and work accordingly. It may not be possible to do everything to the best but one needs to accept this fact and move on with their lives. Mothers need to create time for themselves by going for a walk, spending some time alone, leaving the baby with the father when he's back from office or with any other family member. With this, parents can feel that the arrival of the baby is not an additional baggage in their lives.”
Putting forth her view says a young mother Renu Sharma, “It's a kind of mixed feeling. Sometimes I do feel I am losing on the moments - whether it's being alone with my hubby or the things that I wanted to do in life. But, at the same time, I do realise these years of my son Ashish are to be cherished. I know they are not going to come back, so I might as well enjoy them.”
Child experts suggest that accepting responsibilities and sometimes delegating responsibilities like leaving the child with a family member or help is the best way to handle the situation rather than putting themselves or the baby under the blame umbrella. Parents who have already been through the experience say the best way to go about it is through planned pregnancy and accepting parental responsibilities completely to enjoy parenthood.
Jyothi Chaturvedi, who became a mom of twins soon after her wedlock says, “Of course, initially there was no time either for me or for my hubby Ajay. I remember those early years when I would brood as to why I went in for kids immediately after marriage. But, down the line, I realised my boys were growing with me. It now feels like it was a blessing in disguise. Now, as my kids are at a manageable age, we as a couple make it a point to spend time on our own. We even go on outings alone, leaving the kids with my co-sister.”
Sharing her experience, Dr Farah Ali, a dentist and a mom says, “Having Zuha around is like adjusting our clock to her time schedule. With both of us working, we sometimes find it highly tiring to play with her at eleven in the night when all that we want is to just doze off. Even when we have to go out for lunches, we have to think hard whether to take her or leave her with my parents or in-laws.”
Over the years, couples find children to be a huge part of their lives, yet cannot help experiencing moments of frustration, guilt and acceptance when they find children to be a huge responsibility and an intrusion into their privacy. Experts say it is absolutely normal to feel this way and that couples need to make time for themselves and the baby.  Finally, as Farah adds, “It's still fun having a baby.”