Dear Madam,

I am in my final year of BA. Like many students, I am in utter confusion about my career. I am a B.E dropout, took up BA just to complete my degree. I feel that I don’t know myself, my interests and skills and am unable to decide my future and this is creating a lot of frustration in me. My teachers have always told me that I am a bright boy but I am starting to doubt myself. Please help me.

NN

Dear NN,

DH Education has a column dedicated to career questions and therefore I have refrained from answering questions directly related to careers. However, I have decided to answer your question as you are upset and frustrated with the choices you have so far made.

Your decision to take up engineering could have been based on any or all of the three reasons I am enumerating:

Succumbing to peer influences, sometimes taking up subjects and even selecting colleges to remain with one’s friends.

Selecting a career without finding out enough about it.

Blindly following advice given out liberally by well-meaning or sometimes well-placed people.

To get you out of the situation use the 4W and 1H Questions.

First take a paper and pencil and answer the question Who am I? Think about what things are important to you and what makes you different from others. Write down as much as you can for about 15 minutes.

From this draw out specific information under the following headings.

Your personality strengths and weakness

The subjects you are strong / weak in
The subjects you like / dislike
Your interests, likes, dislikes
Your skills in different areas for e.g. speaking, drawing
What values you would like from your career for e.g. Change and variety, power and authority, financial
prosperity etc

This is a self-picture – now try and match yourself to a career by asking questions.

What do you need to know? You need to know ‘Yourself’ and the World of Work.

Where will you get the information and guidance? From written resources, people resources and some exposure to work.

When do you need it? When making your goals.

Who will be the one to get it for you? – You yourself. How will you get it? Use your creativity and think of different methods.

Incidentally, the word car and career both stem from the same Latin word ‘carus’ that means ‘something that moves you forward’.

So put in the right type of fuel and move forward.

Dear Madam,

I am a 1st PUC student with PCMC. I got 73 per cent in my SSLC exam. My parents are upset because most of my relatives got 90 per cent and above. They are putting that stress on me. I am not able to concentrate and have started to forget most of the things that I study. Sometimes a flame starts burning, saying I can do it and then the flame just blows off. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have lots of computer knowledge and I am good in whatever I do. I am a good speaker and I have won many prizes, certificates in sports, elocution and drawing. I have a national level certificate in GK. Please give me a solution, as I am very upset. I want to join a good engineering college.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

You are taking the criticism of your parents and making it a part of you. This is causing you stress and anxiety, which leads to forgetting what you have studied. You say a flame starts burning in you and then blows off, that is because you are trying to prove a point to your parents. You are not doing it for yourself but for them. There is no conviction and no responsibility for your behaviour. Instead, ask yourself this question. What is the purpose of the criticism? The answer could be, - they want me to get above 90%. Ask yourself again, - what is the purpose of getting above 90%? And so on. This way you will arrive at the positive intention behind the criticism. Once you get the positive intention, you will be able to take only what is good and leave out the rest.

Consider the theory of Multiple Intelligences by Howard Gardner. He says there are nine intelligences, which are linguistic, math-logical, spatial, body-kinesthetic, musical, intra and inter personal relationships, naturalist and existentialism. (You can go to the Internet and learn more about the theory)

From your achievements, I can see that you have different kinds of intelligences – so you are smart.

About doing engineering, please make sure that you are matching yourself to the career and not choosing a career and then fitting yourself into it. Remember at the heart of a career choice is the answer to the question Who am I?

YOUR QUESTIONS

Are you a student, parent or teacher who needs emotional counselling? Send in your queries to askourcounsellor@gmail.com. Please note we will not be able to answer queries through personal e-mail id’s. All queries will be handled through these columns alone.