On the eve of Mother’s Day, Living discovers that the hand that rocks the cradle nowadays boasts of some wrinkles too!
Today, women are breaking all rules to suit their new lifestyle. For them, career success and economic security are top priorities. Some wait to find Mr Right and marry in their late twenties or early thirties.  Some even postpone motherhood till they are forty.
Vijaya Randeria-Singh is a top bank officer, who is getting ready for her marriage in May. She is busy choosing her trousseau and designing the invites. There is nothing unusual about this except that Vijaya is touching thirty-eight. "I am not very concerned about this factor though I wish I had found Mr Right a little earlier," she smiles, "By the time I finished my Masters in management and found a good job, I was twenty-five. By the time I made some impact in my career, I was thirty and by the time I found a home and the man I would like to spend the rest of my life with, I was thirty-eight. So be it! In this age of self reliance and career success, there are thousands of women like me who have to wait for the right time to marry though the general rule says that a woman should marry and have the children she wishes to have by the time she is thirty. Add to this the fact that medical technology is changing so fast today, that a woman of my age can not only have a successful married life but also have one or two children whenever she is ready for motherhood. I am happy the way my life has turned out!"
Like Vijaya, Seema Rai and Anjana Patel are high earners and have a divorce or a broken relationship behind them. "A woman is the mistress of her own destiny today. She does not have to face the barbs of society or her own family if she is not married in her twenties," says Seema, "I chose to marry at thirty and was a mother at thirty-three. Since I will have only one child, I have no worry about the future," says Seema. Anjana adds, "I married at thirty-seven. I am clear that I don't want to have any children. So marriage at thirty-seven is no big deal for me. What helps is that many men also wait to stabilize their careers before they take on the responsibility of a family so there is always a chance that one might find the right man at any age."
Chosen motherhood
Vijaya, Seema and Anjana can be counted among the new breed of urban Indian women who deliberately choose to marry late and have children even in their early forties. Though this trend is visible among professional and working-women in most metro and urban areas in India, some shining examples from the celeb world are symbolic of this new age of 'chosen marriage and motherhood'. Take the example of Adhuna Akhtar, wife of famous Bollywood director Farhan Akhtar (son of Javed Akhtar) who had a daughter called Akira in February 07 at the age of forty-one. She earlier had a daughter called Shakya when she was thirty-four. "Motherhood is a serious business," says Adhuna, who is almost seven years older than her thirty-three-year-old husband, "I had Shakya in my mid thirties and wanted to wait until my career and business took off successfully. Now I can afford to take time off. So I decided to have my second baby seven years after my first one."
The second example is that of Rhea Pillai, who had her daughter Aiyana when she was forty on April third last year. Rhea, twice married before, the second time to Sanjay Dutt, is older than her present husband Leander Paes, whom she married when she conceived Aiyana. A well-known model-socialite and Art of Living teacher, Rhea says, "This baby was a much-awaited surprise in our lives. She was born when I was completely ready for motherhood and wanted a child to bring a sense of contentment to my life. I believe that any age is right for motherhood as long as you are prepared to experience the joy of motherhood physically and mentally. Leander and I wanted a baby and Aiyana has brought both of us great happiness."
Madhuri Dixit, Juhi Chawla, Raveena Tandon (who is expecting her second child now), and many others stars and socialites or top working women have chosen to build successful careers and then marry and have kids. These are some celebrity examples but they point to a trend, which may find favour with more and more women as time passes. With women wanting fewer children and being choosier about the men they marry - some of them being in second or third marriages - the likelihood is that they will have just one or two children. With expert gynaecologists to back their resolve, they have nothing to worry about. "As long as a woman has good health, it's ok to have a baby in her late thirties or early forties. Women are more fit today than before. With women planning their career graphs with vigour, late motherhood is a worldwide trend. Indian women are doing nothing new," say social observers.

Is late so great?
Though late motherhood is a hot trend and we are constantly bombarded by positive images of celebrities enjoying later motherhood (with or without assistance), the risks too, are many.
There are many difficulties and dangers in late pregnancy. First of all is the delay in conceiving...you might have left it for too late! There is also the increased risk of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities. While late motherhood has its advantages, the older you get, the less fertile you become — it is as simple as that. The same goes for men too.
For women, fertility reduces because there is a reduction in the quantity and quality of eggs from the ovaries after 35. According to gynaecologist Sudha Tanwar, there are several benefits of putting off motherhood as mothers feel more confident and secure and families tend to have a better bank balance but there are the disadvantages of age-associated health problems and greater risks of birth defects.
Fertility Society of Australia national president Anne Jequier says in a website that they advise women to have babies earlier because even when conception is successful, there can be problems with embryo development in older mothers.
Meanwhile, researchers in the US have published a report claiming that women who give birth in their fifties make as good mothers as their younger counterparts. In fact they tend to be better able to cope with the strains of parenthood than women ten years their junior, the study shows.
Early or late? The best advice would be to chose the middle path. Neither too early and nor too late!