English is a language spoken worldwide but mastering it is a skill. While some find it easy, others will vouch that it is indeed tough to write and speak, grammatically correct sentences.

Don’t worry. I’m not about to give you a lesson in grammar; I just want to describe how difficult I find this language myself. I wonder how many words are there in the English language? Two million? Isn’t that a lot to learn? Whilst speaking this baffling language, we can use elaborate sentences or keep it short and simple.
A worker once asked his boss for a pay rise. This is the answer he got. “Because of a fluctuational predisposition of your productive capacity as juxtaposed to standard norms, it would be momentarily injudicious to advocate your requested increment”.

They say, “Never try to impress people with the profundity of your thoughts or the obscurity of your language”. How true! Antiphrasis, metaphors, alliterations and onomatopoeic words drive me around the bend.
When I come across sentences like these, “turmoil” is a mild word to use for the confusion that attacks my brain.
Recognise this nursery rhyme? “Behold repeatedly the precipitate progress of that triad of sightless rodents; unanimously they coursed apace on the heels of the agriculturist’s matrimonial consociate, who summarily excised their caudal appendages”. Well, if it is a puzzle for you, like it was for me, to decipher these sentences, this is the rhyme about the three blind mice.

Since my wedding anniversary was around the corner, I asked my husband if he could buy me a diamond ring, he answered; “My dear, extenuating circumstances coerce me to preclude you from such a bauble of extravagance”. I said: “I don’t get it”. He replied: “that’s just what I told you”.

Once, a colleague of mine told me that I was “vertically abridged”. Poor ignorant me thought that was a compliment. Talk about structures; linguistics or otherwise.

Rightly said, “Ignorance on fire is better than knowledge on ice”. Someday, I plan to master this language. Right now, I stubbornly cling to the last threads of sanity and find solace in this adage by Henry Thoreau, “When I read some rules for speaking and writing the English language correctly — I think any fool can make a rule and every fool will mind it”.