There should be a rule against putting lousy item numbers during an interesting climax of the movies. More so, there should be a rule against casting talented actors and not making full use of them. These two things can sum up Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal.

When the movie gears up to grasp your attention, Billo... the item number gets to your nerves with Billo’s wierd facial expressions (especially when she says Billo) and wierder expressions of the men jumping around her. The movie has tried to tell too many stories at a time. “It is not about football”, a dialogue from the movie that Boman Irani says, is absolutely right because this movie has all shades—anger, love, madness, humour, lust, racism, paternal love, maternal love, infidelity... you name it and the movie has it — including a bit about the game. So obviously, it has not been able to do justice to the sport.

Apart from the central characters, other characters are quite lousy. Debashish, who appears severely emotional because he has come from Bangladesh to play football, keeps getting slapped and is quick to show you samples of tears. It looks like that the cast and crew needs a rendezvous with a word called ‘perfection’. Sloppy pot bellies, gory bodies that are not in shape and claim to play football since eternity, take away the feel of the movie.

One wonders why Bipasha Basu took up this role. She is nothing more than a doctor and a cheer leader, who keeps emoting on the developments of the match. Boman Irani and Arshad Warsi do a good job, but the movie gets its life from John Abraham, who acts as much as required. He is the only one, who is not trying too hard to convince the audience with his emoting skills.

The story of the movie is quite similar to Chak De, one loser player who later becomes the coach of a lousy football team. And like Lagaan, only winning the football league can save the club that has not been able to pay its lease. Like Iqbal, the coach is a drunkard who needs to be convinced to coach the team. I am glad the makers stopped at that.Amongst all this agony and dull moments, one aspect stands out — that Arshad, John and Boman have done a good job with respect to learning the game. It was easy for Bipasha, she just had to learn to cry.
The camera movements are nice and camera angles are good. The scene where Boman convinces John to play for his team is brilliant. However, the music is “just another” one on your rack. It will die down with the movie. Moreover,the national anthem of the team will make you laugh.

To sum up, Dhan Dhana Dhan has not been able to score a Goal!