Dear Madam,
I have 2 daughters – My older daughter, aged 49 years lives in Australia with her husband and son. She has no family problems either from her husband’s side or our side. But for the past five years she has been battling depression on and off. She says she is very lonely, feels scared that they are all by themselves in Australia. She also says that she gets influenced by what people say. She doesn’t tell us who these people are, or what they say. She doesn’t want to seek counselling.
She stays to herself, doesn’t talk much, doesn’t like making friends. Her depression is affecting her husband and 18-year-old son.
Her in-laws and my husband and I are prepared to meet you, or I can call my daughter from Australia or I can give you her email id if you want to write to her. Please help.
P

Dear P,
I have a few thoughts about your daughter’s problem.

First and foremost, your daughter needs to go to a psychologist for therapy. If she is unable to make the decision in her condition, her husband has to be proactive and take her for help. He is the spouse and should take on the responsibility. Perhaps the problem could call for Family Therapy. Australia is bound to have excellent people/facilities for psychological help.

Your daughter also needs to find some purpose in her life. As children and husband get busy with their lives, a woman feels less and less needed, creating a void. If she cannot take up a job, she can reach out to others in need – thus helping others and herself.

I understand your worry and concern as a parent and the need to help her. But please remember that your daughter is a 49-year-old adult, a wife and mother too. Could it be that her loneliness and insecurity is because she is still dependent for her emotional well being on the parents and family. Love her but confront her with the need to take charge of her life. She owes it to herself and her family.

Dear Madam,
My daughter is in the 5th standard, study wise she is okay, - she comes first in her class even though we changed her medium from Tamil to Kannada.

But the problem is that she is not listening to us. For eg if we say be careful with your white uniform, that day it will be very dirty. I have to remind her everyday to fill her water bottle, take the house key, fold the bed sheets etc. She forgets everything. I am not hard, but I am tense because of her behaviour. I am working and cannot take care of her. Why does she forget everything? I want her to shine in every way.
Rajeshwari

Dear Rajeshwari,
I hope you thank God everyday for a child who does not give you trouble to study.

I think your daughter is a normal playful child, which she should be.

A dirty uniform can be washed but how will you ever give back to her a lost childhood in which ‘play’ is important. Consider the benefits of play: She will learn to mingle with others, follow rules, learn skills  - In fact play helps in all round development, which are also life skills.

This is more a problem of parenting your child. You are expecting adult behaviour from her because you are not able to take care of her.

Here are a few tips to help her remember:
Provide her with a schedule for the morning for eg.

- Wake up
- Brush teeth
- Fold bed sheets etc.

In the beginning, there should be only 2 to 3 things that she has to remember to do. When she is able to remember these, then you can slowly add one more thing to the list. Always remember that she is a child – please do not pass on all your work to her.

Have a point system – tell her that for everyday she remembers to do all the things she will get a star. At the end of the week she can be rewarded with something small or fun. The idea is to make it a habit.
A last point – I do hope that all the adults living in your home are disciplined.    Children tend to imitate the behaviour of adults.

Dear Madam,
I have flunked my 2nd PUC but I want to continue my studies. Is there any method by which I can do this?
Actually, I wanted to do my BCA. Please help me to get out of this disastrous situation.
Ranjan

Dear Ranjan,
You have not told me the reasons for your failure. So the first thing you must do is to analyse why you failed. Unless you correct that, whatever course/studies you take up will still be a disaster.

You are looking for shortcuts. I think you should concentrate on your PUC and aim not just to pass, but also to do well. In addition you should focus on improving your English. (The English in your question was bad, I had to rewrite it to make it understandable.) You need to read newspapers, magazines etc, to improve your reading comprehension. Poor reading comprehension could have been one reason for your poor performance.

So Ranjan, follow the straight route – shortcuts sometimes end up in actually losing more time in reaching the goal.