There you go again, said Rufus, “Don't you think you are old enough not to use bad language?"

"Who me? What's wrong with you? I've never used bad language in my entire life. You must be hearing things," I protested.

Ever since he fell in love with a Dachshund from the park and found that he can only have a platonic relationship with her, Rufus has turned into a prissy romantic who sings "Dekha hai maine pyar, uski wagging tail mein baar baar," which is as bad a doggerel as any film song, but his soulful manner as an ardent SRK fan makes it tolerable. Next thing you know he may even start running around trees instead of using them to mark his territory like a normal dog should.

But to come back to our disagreement: "This is the third time you've used a four letter F word in two days," he said glaring at me "I think I will have to report you to the moral police." 

"F word! Me! You need to clean out your ears. I don't use words like that young man," I said, shocked to be accused of using unparliamentary language.

"Oh yes you did and I heard it too. Don't you try to bluff your way out of this one." "Rufus really! You might try meditation to detox your mind."

"This is rich", he said sarcastically, "You use the four letter words and I must meditate!"

"The worst word I ever used begins with a B and I've never travelled further down the alphabet."

"I should know," he said bitterly, "I've been on the receiving end of the B word too many times."

"But naturally, if you bum around the whole day what do you expect to be called except the B word? You can't even be bothered to chase away that supercilious cat."

"If I grow up to be a real bum it will be all your doing. The B word I can handle. But just do not use the F word."
"I never do".

 "You do too. And next time you use it on me I will go on a total hunger strike except for lambchops , I will bite the postman and chew up your computer cord and pull out the telephone and drag the newspapers in the rain water. And also shred your gym socks even if they smell."

"Threats will not work on me. And your hunger strike will fail the minute…"

"Stop!" he yelled. "There… you said it again. What do you think the F word is doing to my self esteem? It is hacking at my self image and making me see myself as a no good nobody. They don't even use it for school children anymore, lest they commit suicide."

 "Alright since it’s bothering you so much I promise not to use any F word ever. It shall not cross my mind or emerge on my tongue or emit from my mouth or even blink in my memory. Just do not drag the newspaper in the rain water".

"Swear on your egg bhurji and hope to die? Maybe I will give you another chance out of the generosity of my heart."

"May my new track suit split at the seams if I ever use the word. And if I ever fail to……". "Stop!" he yelled. "You said it again."

"Huh? I did"?

“You said it F.A.I.L.”

"Fail? Fail? Fail is the fourletter F word that is bothering you?"

"What did you think with your dirty little mind,” asked Rufus.