Dear Madam,

I have read your column in DH Education. I really identify with the problems that are published. But I have my own set of problems about which I have no clue what to do. I do feel like going to a counsellor but have been postponing it from a very long time. Please help me.

I am in the final year BBM in a reputed college in Bangalore. I have been taking medication for depression since April 2005. It all started when my friends did not want me to be part of their group. I eventually found new friends but my reaction to the same was weird. I would come home and cry and things like that. Ever since then I have been facing a lot of mental problems. I feel I am not able to reach to my full potential because of these.

I have gone to two doctors. One was not very helpful. He does not know how to counsel. He only knows how to gauge symptoms and prescribe medicines. Another doctor was way too harsh and expected me to do things his way. Though I still continue to take medication, I am not going to any doctor. I want to do something to my brain so that I can stop taking this stupid medication. Does Hypnosis help? Is there anything else that I could adopt for a better mental status? Something that makes me feel I am in this world and in the present moment. Please help me.

A.N

Dear A.N.,

I am sorry, but I cannot enumerate the 14 points for your depression that you have mentioned. However, the main points that you have raised are –

Lack of motivation
Low IQ and inability to grasp quickly
Lack of organisation and time management
Poor intra and interpersonal skills
Low self esteem
Your problems appear to be due to low self-esteem

First, there is nothing wrong with your IQ and I have concluded that you are an intelligent girl. And because you are intelligent you will understand when I tell you to stop being so full of yourself. You have filled up your life with ‘I’. Success and happiness cannot come unless you consider the ‘you, them and us’ and reach out to others.

But before that, let us consider your inability to make friends. You need to like yourself, before you can expect others to like you. I am sure there is plenty that you can like and love about yourself.

Do not compare yourself to others. You are unique, incomparable to anyone else. If you have to think of the ‘I’ then think of your strengths and work to them.

I also do not think you take too easily to external help and advice. Part of your problem is that you want to do things the way you want to do it, and when there is advice given which is not to your liking you find fault with the person, thus making you feel that everyone is against you.

Do yourself a favour and leave some of your dark clouds to Mother Nature. And talking about clouds, remember that every cloud has a silver lining. It is for you to have hope and fill all your tomorrows with sunshine.

Finally, taking medication without medical supervision is wrong and dangerous. Please immediately take professional medical advice.

Dear Madam,

My son is six years old, studying in the first standard in a reputed school. I am receiving complaints that he does not sit in one place and walks around the class. He talks loudly and giggles when he finds something funny.

He finds it hard to concentrate and control himself for a long time. He does not behave like this with all teachers but does so especially with the class teacher as she is quite soft. He is intelligent, a fast worker, very good in studies, talented and has a sweet loving nature. He is not violent and submits to punishment quite well. His behaviour is a matter of concern. Please help.

Mrs Florence

Dear Mrs Florence,

Your son is an intelligent boy. Apart from the obvious data given by you, he is able to discern the strengths and weaknesses of his teachers. He also seems to understand humour.

The reasons for his behaviour could be:

That he is bored and is therefore looking for opportunities to amuse himself.

The teachers are inconsistent in their discipline styles. He is probably trying his luck with the class teacher to see how far he can push her. This is a ‘teacher problem’. She probably believes that ‘soft teachers’ are ‘loved teachers’, or it could be poor classroom management or inexperience in handling children. She needs to change but obviously you cannot tell her that.

Here are a few things you could do to help your son:

1. Use an ‘I’ message, for e.g. “I feel upset when I am called to school to hear complaints about you.”

2. Channelise his energies by putting him in a structured sport.

3. You and your husband should be available to him to have conversations. Please keep in mind that conversations are two ways, he should be allowed to speak more while you listen.

4. Your son seems to have the temperament to accept consistent discipline – I am referring to rules and not punishment. These rules should be put to him in a calm, clear and firm voice. You should also tell him the consequences for keeping the rules and for breaking the rules.

5. Expose your child to books.

YOUR QUESTIONS

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