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Deccan Herald » Panorama » Detailed Story
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THE INQUIRER
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‘When you suspect incest, act immediately’
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By R Akhileshwari
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In the last six months, a rash of incidents of incest have been reported in Hyderabad. Girls between the age group of 13-15 were raped over a period of time by the father and in the case of one, by the brother too to whom the hapless girl complained about abuse by her father. When she complained to her paternal grandmother about the two abusive men she was asked to keep quiet or she would be shamed. In the latest instance, the Hyderabad police arrested a man for raping his daughter for the past one year. In all the instances, the abuse was exposed only when the girl became pregnant. The girls were terrified into submission and silence for anywhere between one to five years.
Social activists who work closely with the people in the areas from where the rapes were reported said they had not heard of such instances ever. No wonder. Incest is one of the least spoken of crimes in our society, says Anuja Gupta, founder-executive director of RAHI (Recovering and Healing from Incest), a Delhi-based support group for adult women survivors of incest. Excerpts of an interview with Deccan Herald:
Myths surrounding incest in the Indian family:
We need to break the myths, the taboos that surround incest and only then women can step forward to break the silence. Incest is marked by certain characteristics: the abuse is prolonged, it begins early, the abuser has easy access to the victim, and there is greater scope for abuse. The closer the relationship between them the greater the trauma for the victim. Sexual abuse of daughters by fathers is very common in the West and developed countries. It is equally common here and in well educated, English-speaking, prosperous middle class families. All our experiences are based on incest in middle class families. I want to make this clear because people tend to think fathers make their daughters pregnant, that it happens in poor communities, in illiterate households or among the minority communities. In fact, in poorer society, it gets revealed easily, there’s literally no place to hide. But the higher the economic status the greater is the tendency to hush it up, and it becomes more difficult to break the silence.
Reasons for incest:
Ours is a patriarchal society with men wielding power over women and children. How else do you account for the fact that 90 per cent of abusers are men and 90 per cent of victims are women and girls? We tend to take the easy way out and say that something is wrong with the individual. But when we shy away from giving power to women, when we bring up our boys and girls differently, then it is more a problem of the society. If we accept it as a social problem then we have to accept responsibility for it.
How to protect our daughters:
Acknowledge the problem, don’t deny it, but at the same time don’t teach your daughter to mistrust. Ultimately it is the responsibility of the adults to protect the child, so read up, get informed, the problem’s out there. It really depends on how you bring up your child, on the kind of relationship you have with her. You should trust her, she should be able to confide in you, she should have the confidence to speak without fear. As parents we don’t consider children as individuals with rights, the right to say ‘No’. We should teach them to be assertive.
Teach them about their bodies, about the good touch, the bad touch and the confusing touch which is when the child is confused when she feels the bad touch but since it comes from someone she trusts it confuses her. We should integrate this knowledge as part of bringing up children. Tell them to be aware and recognise when they feel dirty. Tell them that nobody has the right to make them feel dirty.
What to do when we suspect/know our girls are being abused:
Intervene immediately, that’s the only way to stop the abuse and long-term trauma.
Since the abused children can’t talk, in fact, are unable to talk, look for signs of distress, of unusual behaviour. Be alert without being paranoid.
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Saturday, October 8, 2005
English
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