JOIN USTeam up to breeze through the exams
Ashok’s parents are quite concerned with the board exams round the corner. In last year’s annual exams Ashok had become very stressed out, was getting dizzy spells, and in the exam hall had actually forgotten some of the answers he knew very well. Rahul’s mother is also very worried — because Rahul just does not seem to be stressed with his approaching exams! While she knows that Rahul is an intelligent boy, the fact that he is not touching his books at all, is making her more stressed than she was when she was giving her exams.
While the rest of the year most students, teachers and parents have a good harmonious relationship, when exams turn up there seems to be an undeclared war! There are so many Ashoks and Rahuls all around. With the annual examinations looming large over the horizon, many students and parents find their lives disrupted, and are wondering what the best way to deal with the situation would be. The good news is that there are time-proven methods to deal with exam-related issues if one is willing to prepare systematically.
Parents:
Start with making your child understand the significance of the subject he is studying and being examined for. When he realises that what he is studying will be useful lifelong, his motivation level will be higher.
Be a role model to the student by continuing to be a student, having an exploratory mind, and be willing to learn. At the time of exams create an atmosphere of seriousness, learning and sincerity.
Equip the student to believe in himself, to trust himself, (teaching him that sometimes falling and failing are important steps to learning), teach him to concentrate on small steps — instead of looking at the ‘far-away’ goal — and put in his best in whatever he is doing.
Help him set goals: Most students are not given opportunities to even find out what they can do in life. So many of them cannot think beyond medicine, engineering, etc. Unless they know what there is to choose from, how will they be able to choose? Today, there are hundreds of lucrative careers, and every child has unique capabilities that can be matched to specific careers. And having goals actually helps the student perform better in his exams.
Do not force the child to do something he does not enjoy or like. Because of his basic intelligence, if he works hard, he may somehow pass the exams and qualify. But neither will he be happy, nor will he excel in the long run. It is better to be outstanding in a mediocre field than to be mediocre in an outstanding field.
Listen to the student and encourage him to vent out his feelings, his anger and his frustration. Tolerate it even if he tries to act nonchalant and or unconcerned about the exam. Being a silent listener you are helping him to bring out his stress.
Never use your disciplining techniques strongly at the time of exams. Scolding or ridiculing him will only make matters worse. Be firm, but also be supportive.
Inculcate study habits by reading together, asking him to read out, or verbally questioning him on what he has learnt. Show interest in his subject, and become a learner with him.
Always talk about studies and academics in a positive way. Explain to him that even ‘boring’ subjects have a role to play in his future life. Reiterate that exams are only the stepping stones to a wonderful future where he will be doing what he loves to do, and becoming a successful person in life.
Sometimes a child may require expert or professional help. As we send the child to the doctor, sports coach, tutor, or gym instructor, we should not hesitate to send him to a special educator, psychologist, counsellor or any other mental health expert if there seems to be a need. Small problems can be nipped in the bud and we can get the child back to academic performance if we ensure that he is given the right attention at the time of exams.
At the same time, do not think of private tuition as a convenient way of passing the buck. Your involvement in your child’s study method plays an important role in his success. Don’t blindly send your child to tuition classes because other friends are going, or because some vague acquaintance recommended it. Tuition classes have been known to become dens of escapism, giving the students an opportunity to loiter or indulge in unwanted activity since there is no one to control them.
Exam time is the time when you need to be most careful in handling the emotions of the student. Be supportive, but never add to the tension of your child. Frantic questions, hurrying him up, or scaring him will take away his confidence. Even if you don’t actually say anything to him, sometimes your body language shows how worked up you are. Take out your tension by talking to someone else, but be composed when you are with the child taking the exam.
Some important tips for exam time
*Your own anxiety: Shows on your face, even if you do not express it, and the child gets more scared, disturbed and even guilty. Exams should not be the focal point of the entire family all the time.
*Balance expectations and motivation: Sensitive children are almost always aware of their insecurities in facing board exams. Do not aggravate these feelings. Be specially careful with a high performing child, because he is made to feel very anxious whether he can live up to the expectations of his parents and teachers.
*Breathing space: Talk about and encourage physical and recreational activity interspersed with studies. Help the child develop good study techniques, proper study habits and a structured time schedule.
*Provide silent emotional support: Repetitive reading of ‘boring’ topics does not help comprehension or recall. Repeated verbal reminders and questioning only lead to more anxieties and fears. Develop confidence level with the message, “I know you can do it”.
*Never compare: With siblings or others (definitely not with, “When I was your age”). Give the message, “I understand what you are going through.”
*Provide a proper environment: A quiet space, free from disturbances and environmental distractions, taking care of his basic needs, and removing any other anxieties which may be bothering him at that time. The parents’ physical presence, a pat or hug, or a stroll with him, is important.
*And finally...Tell the child that regardless of how he performs in the exams, he is still your child and your love for him is unconditional.
Where the stress comes from
The American Psychological Association surveyed to determine whether children are more stressed at home or in school. The kids’ overwhelming answer was, “We are less stressed in the …..school bus! That is to say, they feel that both parents and teachers are perpetually on their backs, and they would like to be left alone. Hence the time they enjoy most is when they are travelling from home to school, and back.
Don’t be the source of additional stress to your child.