Bonding over generations
TIES THAT BIND
When children spend quality time with their grandparents, it is an experience worth savouring, for both parties. Sudha Subramanian extols the virtues of this bond
Iam asking myself this question — do kids get to spend as much time with their grandparents as we did when we were growing up? The answer seems to be NO. I wonder why?
My husband was 21 when he moved out of the house for higher education. He later accepted a job in a different city. Since then, he has never stayed with his parents.
Twenty years later, my husband has moved to many cities to improve his career prospects and therefore, my son gets to be with his grandparents for a few months in a year — which is still a lot considering there are so many others who are unable to get quality time with their grandparents. With an increasing number of youngsters moving out of the house for better prospects, children lose out on their time with granny tales and grandpa walks.
Of course, there are other children, who are blessed to live with their grandparents, and are yet bound by so many activities that they don’t seem to have the time for parents/grandparents.
In some families, grandparents themselves, cannot make the time for their grandchildren.
So, then, why should children spend time with grandparents?
I recently read about Arun Gandhi’s experience with his famous grandfather. As a native of South Africa, he was racially abused by other boys his age. He was seething with anger and frustration when his parents brought him to India. At that time, Arun Gandhi then 12, spent 18 months with the Father of the Nation. He lists those experiences as lessons that have lasted a lifetime.
All of us may not have famous grandparents. Nevertheless, it is a well known fact that most kids derive the best from their grandparents.
Grandparents have the experience of raising kids. They have been parents once. So, it is only natural that they can handle kids’ tantrums with tact and ease. They are the best people in the world to teach children about human values. They can teach lessons about honesty and integrity with amazing ease. What’s more, kids love listening to them.
Our parents know about our culture and rich heritage better than we do. So, it is only natural that they can introduce our children and teach them about our festivals and culture. They can also answer all the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of your child a lot more patiently because they enjoy teaching while the child is also having fun.
The most important gift any grandparent can give the child is abundant and unconditional love. A loving and enriching home gives the child a sense of emotional security that is paramount to any child’s overall growth.
Let us also not forget the fact that if a child willingly spends time with his/her grandparents, then it helps two things. While the child enjoys quality time with them, it also gives parents the much needed couple time.
Most importantly, grandparents are perhaps the only other people with whom we can trust our children. They are a picture of extended family support that gives the children an enriching, nourishing and fulfilling atmosphere.
If there are so many nice and wonderful things about spending time with grandparents why are children increasingly spending lesser time?
One of the biggest reasons why the great bonding time is lessened is because of the distances involved. Typically, we find that grandparents and little ones don’t live in the same city. This means that the time grandparents spend with their grandchildren is an annual event.
There are of course, the inevitable reasons of members of the family not getting along — the fodder for many a Bollywood movie. These very issues, drift the families apart and hence the children hardly ever get to enjoy ‘grandparent’ time.
When many parents themselves are vying for the child’s attention in an increasingly fast paced world — where parents have to look up Facebook status updates to know what the child is up to — it is but natural for grandparents to feel neglected by the little ones.
This brings us to the question: How do we, as parents, make sure that children get to enjoy their time with their grandparents, just as much as we did during our childhood?
The most important thing for us, parents, is to understand that just as we try to meet the numerous other needs of our children, it is also important to do our best to nurture this bond between our parents and our children. This is possible only if we make sure that our children get to spend as much time as possible with our parents. By doing this, not only do we make our parents happy, but we also gift our children a treasure trove of memories.
The famous American poet, Ogden Nash, once said, “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out of the window”.
Every child in the world, will agree with this quote, much to the annoyance of parents. But, this phenomenon is cyclical. We will surely, grow up to be grandparents who would love to spoil our own grandchildren. However, what we should hope and pray for is that we get to spend time with our grandchildren to break those rules.
