JOIN USEvery year as the academic session begins, this scene plays in almost all elementary school classrooms across the nation: a little child clinging to his mother, father, or grandparents with tears welled up in his eyes, begging them not to leave him or asking them to stay for some more time.
The first few days of kindergarten can be stressful for kids, particularly those who have never spent time away from mother and father. This distress resulting from the fear of getting separated from a parent, grandparents, or a care-giver is called separation anxiety. According to psychologists, this is a condition in which a child experiences anxiety about separation from people with whom he has an emotional attachment (for example: a parent, a grandparent, a sibling or a care-giver). It is said to be part of normal development and usually begins when the child is around 6-8 months. This condition may see its peak by about 18 months and gradually comes down by 3 years.
Normal reactions
The child begins to understand and recognize parents or care-givers as special individuals. Since the child lacks the mental capacity to understand that they do exist even when out of sight, he will throw tantrums and scream till he gets attention.
Occasionally, separation anxiety is noticed in children whenever the child faces new situations like starting pre-school, arrival of a new sibling, or a parent’s plans of travelling without the child. Psychologists are of the opinion that crying, tantrums or clinginess during early childhood are normal reactions to separation. However, the intensity level and the timing may vary tremendously from child to child. Parents need to exhibit a lot of patience and consistency in easing the child’s anxiety.
In order to help a normal child overcome separation anxiety, you can take the following measures:
Be calm during separation. Your child is likely to be calm if he sees you so. Practice separation. Develop a goodbye ritual when you drop your child at school. A special wave or a goodbye kiss can be reassuring.
Encourage your child to participate in activities or play. Spend time with the child and assure him you will return soon. Then leave. Do not stop or check on what your child would do when you are not in sight.
Stay with your child for the first few days when the classes are partial. Once regular classes begin, if the school accommodates late coming / arrival for a few more days, find a little space for yourself to talk to your child and then leave him in his classroom when he feels fine. You could even ask the school to allow a brief phone call to reassure your child, if he feels down.
Identify a place in the school where the child can go to reduce anxiety or stress. For example: The play area, a sand pit or the library within the classroom.
Place notes like ‘I love you’ or ‘that’s like a good boy’ in the lunch box or in the school bag to make him feel good. You could also allow him to carry a family photograph.
Assist your child when he interacts with peers, teachers or adults. This will help him to approach them with problems.
Praise even the smallest of achievements of your child - such as a good report from school, singing a rhyme or going to bed without making a fuss. Every good effort or a tiny step in the right direction needs a pat on his back.
Separation Anxiety Disorder
If separation anxiety interferes with the child’s activities at school or his friendships and continues for weeks or months, it may be a sign of Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD), which may require professional help. A child with this disorder may refuse to go to school citing reasons of fear to remain in school. He will do anything to escape school. He is reluctant to sleep, complains of aches and pains and clings to the parent’s arm always. Since normal separation anxiety and SAD share some of the symptoms, the parent needs to understand if the child can cope with the distress with a little help and time or has a serious problem. It may require professional help from a child psychologist or a child trauma specialist.
A child who needs to cope with sudden changes going on in his family develops SAD. Changes could be relocating to a different neighborhood, change of school, death in the family, or even parents’ parting ways.
Here are a few SAD signs you need to watch out for in your child:
* Becomes agitated at the very thought of being away from parents or the caregiver.
*Fears that his parent may be in danger because of his (the child) absence. He may also fear that he may get lost or be taken away by someone.
* Complains constantly of physical illnesses, like a severe stomach ache or headache. Some even refuse to sleep making them insomniacs.
* Withdraws himself from family, friends and peers.
*Refuses to go to school for days, weeks or even months.
Treatment for SAD
Child psychiatrists or pediatric neurologists treat separation anxiety disorder after collecting inputs from home and school. A clinical visit may be imperative to rule out physical complaints (aches and pains) that the child keeps complaining about. Once diagnosed with SAD, these specialists will first attend to physical illnesses (if any), classify his thoughts that lead to anxiety, and train the child to cultivate his own coping and problem solving strategies.
Family therapy: Since the child reflects on certain things happening in the family, family counseling is one of the best methods recommended for SAD. This can help the child neutralize thoughts that trigger separation.
Talk therapy: Having someone to listen empathetically to the problems makes the child express his/her feelings. This can guide the specialists to address the problems at the earliest.
Play therapy: A time-tested therapeutic use of play can get the child talk about his / her difficulties.
Counseling at school: Sessions at school can make the child understand his / her social, behavioral as well as academic demands.
Medication: Severe SAD cases are treated with medicines in combination with other therapy.
Parents’ role
Many a children with anxious or stressed parents tend to be prone to SAD. Hence it is important for the parent to be calmer and more centered. During treatment, the parent should understand the problem; educate himself about SAD and why the child experiences it. He should not give in, so keep reassuring the child that he will be fine soon.