There are humans next door, you know

UNKNOWN NEIGHBOURS

Neighbourhood has pretty much lost its close-knit togetherness in the urban Indian context owing to the increase in nuclear families, observes Shruti Rao.

“A bad neighbour is a misfortune, as much as a good neighbour is a great blessing”, said the Greek poet Hesiod. Many of us can vouch for the truth of this statement. But then - how many of us actually know our neighbours well enough to comment on their virtues, or the lack of them?

There was a time when neighbours came home unannounced just to chat, or turned up at our doorstep with a bowl, asking to borrow sugar or green chillies. People conversed leisurely over the wall separating their houses. Children treated neighbours' homes as an extension of their own. Such situations have become virtually non-existent in urban neighbourhoods because many people don't even know who their neighbours are any more.

Says Brinda Rao, who lives in an independent house, "Both men and women work long hours outside the house, and have no time to interact with neighbours. Children used to be the cohesive factor, but nowadays even they don't come out much, because they are busy attending extra-curricular classes, or just studying at home."

Earlier, neighbours provided for a major part of the entertainment needed in one's life. Relationships were formed and bonds strengthened through sharing life stories and helping each other in difficulties. But things are different now. People have innumerable options for entertainment. “Once TV entered the scene, people had that to keep them occupied, hooked to some show or other,” says Hasmita Chander. “Then the computer, mobile phone,  all sorts of technologies, gadgets, and gizmos seem to play a big role in keeping social interaction low.”

The internet has changed the way we live in more ways than we realize. Many activities are done online now, like banking, paying bills, and even shopping for groceries. So there is no question of running into your neighbour at the bank or the shop, which used to be one of the ways people met and struck up conversations that continued even after their errands were done.

The cities are becoming increasingly metropolitan, and some people who find comfort in familiarity, find it difficult to gel with neighbours of different cultures and habits.

One of the major reasons why people don't get friendly with neighbours is because tenants tend to change so quickly, often within a year - so there is hardly any time to get to know them and forge long-lasting relationships. It is for that reason that small towns with stable populations, and also old localities like Basavanagudi in Bangalore witness strong bonds between neighbours who have lived there for generations.

Neighbours are becoming faceless – just "those people" who are identified by how they turn on the television too loud during soaps, or fry pakoras on Sunday evenings.

Arthi Anand-Navaneeth, who lives in an apartment complex, thinks likewise. "Earlier, most households had an older generation at home whose presence helped in various ways. Now with the nuclear setup, we need to support and rely on our neighbours for help," she says.

But this very dependence is now seen by many as an annoyance. Besides, over-friendliness might also mean that neighbours poke their noses into our business, which is bothersome to many who value their privacy. It also means too many personal questions, which is increasingly viewed as irksome, in the very society where, once upon a time, asking "What is your salary?" used to be considered a normal question during the first meeting!

This disinterest in neighbours can become an extreme thing, like in the appalling case of an elderly woman in Australia, whose neighbours did not bother to find out why she wasn't seen outside, nor why her mail was piling up outside her door.

Authorities finally broke into her house to see that she had been dead for two years. This prompted Andrew Heslop to found Neighbour Day in Australia in March of every year, which stresses upon interacting with neighbours, and providing support to those who need it. The tremendous support for this initiative shows that it has touched a chord in everybody.

Of course, we will immediately adopt the high moral ground and say that such things would never happen in India. But if things continue this way, this incident might soon not sound that far-fetched at all. But there are neighbourhoods that are still thriving.

People living in apartments, especially, regularly come together to celebrate festivals, anniversaries, or just meet up. This is aided by the necessity of their having to work together for the development and maintenance of the apartment. A common meeting place like a park or a clubhouse is also tremendously helpful to create an active community. 

This kind of cohesiveness is becoming increasingly rare in neighbourhoods with independent houses though. A common cause or interest sometimes helps bring people together. We keep hearing of residents of a particular neighbourhood getting together to save a tree or prevent an illegal construction at their park.  And that is how new friendships could begin.

And then of course, there are those neighbourhoods where years of living in the same place has brought people together. Rajalakshmi Venkatesh is one such person who lives in a closely-knit neighbourhood. The neighbourhood park is their main meeting place, and over the fifteen years they have lived there, neighbours have become like family. "We meet every day, and exchange every little detail of our lives," she says. According to her, one of the main reasons of their closeness is that all of them lived in self-owned houses and are therefore permanent residents of the area.

Though there are neighbourhoods that are still active and thriving, it is becoming apparent that neighbours aren't as large a part of our lives as they once were. It is a sad thing, as anybody who has experienced a deep friendship with a neighbour will agree with. But instead of all of us sitting around moping about the good old days and not doing anything about it, we could take the first step towards breaking the ice with our neighbours. For all we know, it could be the beginning of great relationships!