JOIN USOn a seemingly humdrum day, Bhargavi Sridharan has epiphanies that spell gender skewness. Do public spaces belong only to the men? Can you imagine a woman simply staring at the world passing by?
Young, female, well-paid, married, carefree and happy – Mumbai affords a freedom and independence that very few places in India do. One day, I was early to meet a friend. Though normally we meet at a café, restaurant or pub, this time we had agreed to meet at Marine Drive. For those of you who don’t know what Marine Drive is, let me describe it. It is a beautiful, long promenade by the sea, right alongside a bustling road in one of Mumbai’s tony localities. My friend was unusually late, and I, for once, was on time.
As I looked around, I noticed that there were very few lone women. Girls did hang out, but in groups. Single women, out for exercise, wore headphones to insulate themselves from the world and all of them walked briskly. Their purposeful look and preoccupied expressions distanced them from the milieu around. Lone ladies
waiting for someone, like me, either chatted with someone on the phone or
determinedly clung into their phones, looking up only for a brief moment, before looking into the phone again.
The big question
Since I have a very cursory relationship with my phone, it remained in my
handbag. I decided to enjoy the rare moment of solitude. But I was aware of a vague sense of discomfiture within. Though my gait was casual and relaxed, I couldn’t reach the same level of relaxation in my mind. There was no other lone woman, enjoying the view and reflecting on her thoughts. Why? Public places do not belong to the relaxing woman. Yes, today a woman has more independence and confidence than she had ever before. But a woman can access public spaces only with a purpose. She can flit busily from running one errand to another.
She can shepherd her kids around, or idly sit around and watch them while they play. She can chat, gossip or hang out with a group. She can walk briskly seeking exercise.
A woman must always have a reason, an excuse to use public spaces. She cannot sit around, just enjoying the view. In public spaces, be it parks, promenades, temples or malls, a woman can never just be. Have you ever seen a woman read a newspaper or a magazine on a park bench? Have you ever seen her stand by the roadside and stare at passersby? Have you seen a woman occupying a table, comfortably alone, at a restaurant, spending time on a long meal? Have you seen a lone woman in a movie theatre? For all the rebellion and bravery it takes for a woman to smoke in public, have you seen a woman standing and smoking alone in public (for the record, my personal stance is anti-smoking). Now imagine a man, in all the aforementioned examples, and it’s effortless, isn’t it?
The only time women are comfortable looking at others is when they are afforded anonymity in a larger group or in situations where they cannot be stared back at. So women look, from behind a screen, through a veil, if I may use the allusion. They look, but only from their terraces and their windows, where nobody is likely to look back at them.With the realisation comes...After this realisation dawned, I have made it my mission to enjoy public spaces more. No agenda. No chore. No excuse. No crutch like the mobile phone. Just me and the moment. So when I sit around and look at people passing by, again I notice the same thing. Women rush around with preoccupied expressions that prevent anybody from approaching them. Men look at anything and everything, and, they, definitely, look at the women.
Today, I look straight at people. If they look at me, I look back, without wavering my glance. Women sometimes glance at me, but eye contact is uncommon, and prolonged eye contact by women, rarer still. But, almost all men, if they sense my glance on them, look at me. Many of them make eye contact and many of them
maintain prolonged eye contact.
Sometimes, they think I am interested in them and give me a half-smile. With great determination, I just look back neutrally and they eventually get the message. But it is easier said than done. Many a times, in spite of my resolution, I still look away. Some men refuse to get the message and continue staring at me, day after day, at my local park. And when I see these few ‘creeps’ appearing, I am compelled to turn my gaze away.
It is through the harmless ‘looking’, uncomfortable ‘watching’ and offensive ‘staring’, that men have taken over public spaces entirely and sidelined women
completely. When does this stark takeover of the public glance begin? Children, both boys and girls, look around the world with equal interest and lack of self-consciousness. But as they grow older, into adolescence and sexuality, this unspoken and unacknowledged, but deeply imbibed, cultural norm takes over.
What seems like a very trivial issue, is used powerfully to fence in women. It results in handing over the public spaces to men and altogether removing women, regardless of age, from the public spaces - unless she is driven there by necessity or accompanied by a chaperone.
Today, I urge all women, reading this article, to chin up and look around boldly. This seemingly innocuous gesture would require bravery, but only then can you
reclaim your space. I request all the gentlemen, reading this article, to not stare so brazenly at a lady, and please do not think that if a lady looks back at you boldly, she is asking you to come hither.
Eyes are the windows to the world. Men and women should claim it equally. To sign off with a classic, make a little space to make a better place, make a better place for you and for me.