JOIN USSo, how happy are you?
“Look happy and make the world go crazy,” said the wise words on a t-shirt. Think of it, what’s the easiest way to make others uncomfortable or ill at ease? Just look really happy!
The other day at the pool, the swimming teacher was telling one of the parents that the students were constantly looking sideways while swimming to check on how far behind they have left the rest, rather than focusing on improving their own technique. In our modern-day pursuit of happiness, we constantly have this urge to outdo the others. It’s not just about what we have achieved; it’s also about what the others haven’t.
The next time you are out on the road, just watch out for the number of smiles you encounter. The only time I see people smile nowadays is when they pose for a selfie or a group photo. The other happy faces that I see are in the TV commercials and the countless photos on Facebook. In the real world, we seem to be too busy getting things done; where’s the time to smell the pretty daisies growing along the sidewalks, right?
Sadly, ‘how to be happy’ is that chapter in our lives that we cease to go back to with each passing day. Blame it on stress, rising prices, busy lives, bad traffic, hasty decisions, political milieu, bad weather, nosy neighbours or even abdomen fat – we humans have taken refuge under a raft of alibis and excuses to explain the reduced production of endorphins or ‘the feel good’ chemicals in our body.
Long acclaimed as an antidote to stress and other modern-day ailments, happiness like other vital resources is gradually depleting. Cultures across the globe talk of how significant it is to “be happy” is in our lives. The phrase ‘carpe diem’ in Latin – meaning seize the day or make the most of today – rightly holds the key to all our woes.Inside out
Blaming others, attributing external sources for all the problems in our life, or the other extreme of over-dependency on friends and material things for all the happiness in our lives, will indeed take us nowhere. Fine-tuning our brain cells to react sensibly will go a long way in determining our physical and, eventually, mental health.
The first step to happiness is to realise that it’s a matter of choice – yours. A friend once narrated a childhood incident that captures this aspect beautifully. She was playing in the garden with her friend when she bumped into some wild flowers at the hedge. Painstakingly, she and her playmate collected them, soiled their frilly frocks and rushed to their moms with the gift. Moved by this gesture, her mom gave her a tight hug, while the friend was not so lucky. The sight of filth and mud on her hands and dress made her mother livid and the child was dragged to the washroom. Moral of the story: It’s not always about what happens to you, but how you react to the happening that determines your happiness quotient.
As seekers of happiness, we need to ask the big question: What makes one happy? Making others happy, or seeing others happy, or perhaps, ensuring that others see us happy? Should one aim for the stars, win a crore, own a villa, to have this simple feeling descend upon us? Or will simple pleasures in life suffice – say savouring hot jalebis on a rainy evening, or indulging in some ice cream on a sunny afternoon, or may be, getting an unexpected compliment or having a hearty laugh at work?
What makes them smile?
“Happiness is not a destination; it is a journey,” says Julian, Mantle in The monk who sold his Ferrari. “Live for today and there will never be another one quite like it. Never put off happiness for the sake of achievement.” Krishnaraj couldn’t agree more. Leading a busy life, travelling and juggling his work between Chennai and the rest of India, he has realised the importance of those teeny-weeny moments of joy. “I am happy when my mom enjoys sitting in my car, my siblings surprise me by hiding trinkets in my bag, my wife thanks me for doing the dishes, my son acknowledges my smallest of gifts with a kiss,” he says.
For Ashwini, random acts of kindness hold the key to her happiness. “Simple acts, like tipping the vegetable vendor, buying food for beggars waiting outside the Darshinis or other food joints, helping the old and disabled cross the road, give me immense satisfaction,” she says. “I even enjoy talking to senior citizens, who with their vast experiences can enrich our knowledge,” she adds.
Managing office and motherhood is, undoubtedly, a challenge, but taking time out to play with her daughter, learning something new, and cooking for her family, these are things that make Manasa a happy soul. “Being appreciated for my work, having a sound sleep, meeting family and friends completes my list,” she says.
Many of us don’t realise that our mind is a powerhouse that can steer our life to the valleys of ecstasy or the dungeons of doom. Sadly, we, the supreme beings, often fail to control our mind. But those who manage to do that with sheer perseverance and relentless effort have tasted the sweet and subtle taste of euphoria.
“To be happy or not, is a choice we have,” maintains Rupa. And it demands a conscious effort from our end. Something that her teenage daughter Archana is slowly, but surely trying to understand. “When you see your parents happy just because of some talent of yours, when you see your friends happy just because of your mere presence, when you see a baby smile just by looking at you, when you see the people around you happy, you realise that their happiness is the reason for you being happy,” she says. And the only thing right now that can really make Archana happy, she confides, is scoring a 10 CGPA in her 10th standard exams. “Because I think I’ve done enough justice to everything else,” she reasons, with a grin.
Goals and aims certainly give a purpose to our lives, a valid reason to live. But forgetting today for the sake of tomorrow is not the smart way to do it. For, life is in the present. Being happy, as a popular saying goes, doesn’t mean that everything’s perfect; it just means that you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Have you seen kids fight? They are quick to bury the hatchet and get on with life. Most adults can’t seem to do that. We keep frowning and complaining, and before we know it, happiness is out of our lives. Martha Washington, the erstwhile first lady of the United States, once wrote in her letter to a friend, “I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not on our circumstances.” Now, if only we could let our sunny disposition prevail...