JOIN USGiving your son the freedom to choose and depriving your daughter of the same sends out the wrong signal to both the genders, enunciates Soumya Meria Samuel
‘Outrage’ seems to be the word. It is everywhere. Recently, when Leslee Udwin’s documentary, India’s Daughter came out in the open, people came forth with their opinions, thoughts and arguments.
Heated discussions and a flood of indignant posts on social media followed, with supporters and non-supporters of the documentary speaking their minds and clashing openly.
I personally do not blame the government for the rapes in India. I do not hold anything against the documentary filmmaker either for bringing out the truth.
I am not worried about our judicial system or the extent of safety provided to women in our country. All I feel after seeing the outrage against the documentary or against our government for banning it, is a deep sense of shame - shame at the blame game that we all so easily became part of.
Our government didn’t create the accused; we, the people of this society, did. No one was responsible for the ruthless answers of A P Singh, the defence lawyer of the accused, who went ahead to say that if his daughter was found doing something of the sorts, he would have burnt her to death.
What is this ‘something’ that he was referring to? Enjoying a movie or travelling after 9 in the night? Having a male friend or trying to fight the rapists?Let’s face it. The root of the problem lies in each of our mindset, in the mentality of millions like Singh and the rapists.
While it may be hard to believe, the truth remains that the very first seeds of this mentality are sown at home through unconsciousness everyday acts. Here are a few introspective questions you need to ask yourselves:
* While you always told your daughter to be safe and reach home before dark, did you actually feel the need to tell your son to behave in a respectful manner with women?
* While women can stare rudely at other women dressed, in our terms, ‘sexily’, for an occasion and pass comments at them, how do you expect your husbands, brothers and sons not to behave similarly?
* When the search for a bride always ends at a girl who is traditional - one who cooks food, dresses ‘decently’ and is ready to give up everything for the joy of her husband - aren’t we already telling the men that women are inferior and meant to be the submissive gender?
* When advertisements show women dressed way too sexily even for products where such a depiction is absolutely of no relevance, simply because the eye-catching ‘commodity’ can make the product sell, what is the message that is subtly going out?
* What do you think is the idea that you give to young minds when you hire female dancers for weddings who perform to soothe the eyes of the invitees?
* What about the way you treat those poor women who probably had a relationship in the past and are not ‘pure’ anymore at the time of wedding? Do you treat a boy in similar way when you find out that he isn’t a virgin?
And above all, how can we hold someone else responsible when we ourselves do the least to make a difference. If you ever happened to go through Suzette Jordan’s account then you would probably know what I’m referring to.
Yes, she was the famous Park street rape victim who was accused of being an ‘indulgent’ woman just because she didn’t live by the stereotypes set for women in this society. She was even denied entry to a restaurant because she was a rape victim.
All this happening in front of a bunch of people who chose not to help her; but instead chose to impatiently wait for their turns in the queue to reach the eatery faster. If we can be so insensitive in our behaviour, how can we expect any better from a government that we voted to power?
In the documentary, the accused proudly declares that his actions are a reflection of what majority of our society thinks of women. He is only the voice of thousands of men and women alike who think that women are the inferior ones in the societal setup, meant to be controlled or exploited.
You could snub out this one fire, but what about the many flames that we are nurturing each day within our society and even our own homes? It is time we stop playing the blame game and take the onus of bringing positive change onto our own shoulders. Small amends at home can go a long way in making India a safe-for-women society. Here’s what you need to do:
* Treat your son/daughter as your friend. Build a strong trust between the two of you so that s/he can fearlessly share everything with you. Being overly strict or protective will make them think twice before sharing any matter of concern with you.
* Be open and true in your conversations. Children get exposed to explicit scenes of physical intimacy at a very early age in these days of ever-evolving digital technology. But, trying to avoid the topic or treating it as a taboo will only increase the kids’ curiosity, often leading to acceptance of wrong ideas due to lack of proper guidance.
* Share stories of bravery and heroism. Let’s give the guy-saved-the-girl-and-lived-happily-ever-after story a skip. Spin stories where women too fight their own battles and aren’t waiting for a man to sweep them off their feet. And yes, these stories aren’t meant for your daughters alone. Your sons too need to know that women can stand up on their own feet.
* Set the same rules. Let the rules for your son and daughter not be unjustifiably different from each other. Giving your son all the freedom to choose and decide and depriving your daughter of them only sends out the wrong signals to both the genders.
* Be their role model. All efforts will fall apart if you yourself do not demonstrate respect in your behaviour to other men and women. Your children look up to you and more often than not, imitate you. So if you do it right, so will they.
Remember, only when the first lessons of respecting women and treating them equally starts at home, will there be any hope for a society that is safe for women.
If actions as simple as these can bring about the much-needed change, then why wait for the government to take curative action? Let’s start by taking preventive measures at home. After all, prevention is better than cure.