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Work is where the bundle of joy is

MOMMY LOVE
Last Updated 24 April 2015, 16:09 IST

They are making a choice to stay at home, look after their li’l ones, watch them take those baby steps and just be there for them. Azera Parveen Rahman finds out why so many independent women with flourishing careers are deciding to put their professional lives on hold.

It may have taken Sanyukta Bhardwaj years of hard work to establish herself as an architect, but she decided to push the pause button on her career once her baby came along. Manhar is 15-months-old now and the young mother has not thought about getting back to work and is, in fact, happy to be a stay-at-home mom.

Can Sanyukta and the growing tribe of stay-at-home moms be seen as women who are “not career oriented” or “not driven enough” to juggle both motherhood and work? “That would be wrong,” she says, emphatically, “I love my profession, but I have opted to be a stay-at-home mother for my own sake. For me, it is a priority that my child grows up to be a good human being and a responsible citizen. I cannot expect someone else to do it.”

It’s only natural for women to put their professional lives on hold in order to look after their newborn. Yet, to consciously keep their careers on hold for an uncertain amount of time, beyond the customary maternity break, is what makes stay-at-home moms different. These are essentially independent women with flourishing careers, who decide to put everything aside to savour the experience of raising their children.

Anumeha Gupta was working for an advertising agency before she moved on to managing her family business for seven years. But like Sanyukta, she too decided to toss it all to become a stay-at-home mom. 

Settled in the USA for the past few years, Anumeha blogs passionately about how being at home and seeing her two children grow up makes her happy.

“As a working mother I used to be dependent on my domestic help, my in-laws, parents or basically anyone who could babysit my child. So, in a sense, opting to be a stay-at-home mom has made me independent! Mornings are easier, mealtimes are more relaxed, and I no longer stop my children from doing things for the fear that I would have to miss a meeting,” shares Anumeha.

She confesses that she has a deep regret about missing the first three years of her firstborn’s life, something she is making up with her second kid. “What I have noticed is that there are fewer temper tantrums from my children nowadays. I realise that kids need unadulterated mommy and daddy time to be happy. So, no phones, no TV, and I spend all the time listening to their jokes, eating a peaceful meal and having impromptu dance sessions,” she says.

Apart from the fact that these new moms take a lot of pleasure in bringing up their children first-hand, another reason for opting to stay at home is that they do not have a large joint family to fall back on for support. 

As more and more couples migrate to bigger cities for work, the responsibility of providing a good upbringing is falling solely on the mother and father. Whereas some do depend on domestic helpers and nannies to chip in, most are generally wary of leaving their children under a stranger’s care, at least until they start school.

Guwahati-based Tanvira Rahman stays with her in-laws. The dedicated clinical researcher left her job after her son was born nine months ago. 

“When I had just conceived, I had thought of taking a one-year break to look after my baby. At the time, my colleagues and friends suggested that I come back after six months. But when Zeeshan was born I knew that I wanted to be with him longer and not leave his care entirely on to my in-laws,” she says, adding, “The formative years of a child’s life are so important in shaping the kind of person s/he grows up to be. Once my son starts school I will think about getting back.”

Of course, even as they decide to take a long break from their profession, stay-at-home moms have to learn to make several adjustments in their lifestyle as well as attitude. For starters, from having two incomes at their disposal they are left with one, even with increased expenses. “Handling finances is tricky business. You have your old lifestyle to maintain, newer expenses, and all of that with a dip in income. Discussing these details clearly with your spouse before taking the decision is important so that there is no strain on the relationship,” points out Rajeshwari Deka, a school teacher, who has a two-year-old daughter.

As she has decided to take time off work for a few years, Rajeshwari spends two hours every evening tutoring a few children from her neighbourhood. “It helps me take care of some of the household expenses, not because I feel guilty (of no longer working), but because it’s a self-esteem booster,” she shares. 

Having it both ways

Several other stay-at-home moms have come up with creative ways of income generation, whether it is starting up an entrepreneurial venture by converting an old passion like baking into a professional catering service or availing of the work-from-home option that many multinational outfits offer to their female employees.

Given the high attrition rates, better pay packages, and good growth prospects, more and more companies are making their Human Resource (HR) policies more flexible, which is especially beneficial to women who would otherwise have had to leave their job to raise their child. 

Take Agra-based Roomani Bajaj’s case, for instance. She continues to work for her Gurgaon-based company even as she watches over her eight-month-old daughter. “My husband works for the defence forces and we get a transfer every few years. Therefore, the work-from-home option has always worked for the best in my case. And now that I have a baby, it is like a boon,” says Roomani, a technical architect. 

None of the women deny the pleasure they get in watching their baby take its first steps or speak for the first time, but they do caution about the “lows” that come with this choice. 

“You will be constantly reminded about your qualification that you’re not using. You may sometimes miss the financial independence. And seeing your former colleagues and friends advancing in their careers might pinch you a bit,” says Anumeha.

“But at the end of the day, you will not regret seeing your children grow up or being an essential part of their childhoods,” Sanyukta concludes, on a happy note.

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(Published 24 April 2015, 16:09 IST)

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