<p>We may mean well, but the damage we could cause our little ones is often untold. Mary Chelladurai elaborates on how we can help our children to grow into joyous individuals.<br /><br /></p>.<p>What is it that we want most for our children? Is it inner peace and contentment? Or, the competitive spirit to chase rainbows and hoard heaps and bounds of material pursuits? <br /><br />The simple truth is that, as parents, most of us do not understand the real definition of happiness and the value of being joyful. And we cannot teach what we do not know.<br /><br />So, the first step to being a good parent is to become aware and unlearn certain life lessons. Next, is to inculcate the right values and attitudes in children to help them grow into happy human beings.<br /><br />Unfulfilled dreams<br /><br />Most parents tend to push their children to achieve what they may have failed to accomplish in their younger days. What they fail to see is how their constant pushing to go after every competition and excel in the eyes of the world, ignoring their own need, can wring the offspring’s spirit. <br /><br />Most of us, as parents, assume that by virtue of being on this earth for a longer time, we have the wisdom that commands blind acceptance. That’s not always the case, is it? So, instead of bombarding our kids with half-baked wisdom, let us inculcate an innate attitude of joy and contentment. You got to lead by example here.<br /><br />Freedom of choice<br /><br />Giving the child the freedom to make his/her own choices is crucial to the feeling of happiness and ownership. Children, who are allowed to make personal choices, in time, build healthy self-esteem and self-image. <br /><br />Such children learn to take responsibility for both, their problems as well as success. They don’t seek outward recognition and praise all the time to feel a sense of self-worth. <br /><br />Inside out<br /><br />Instead of threatening kids with dire consequences if they don’t do as you say, try to make them understand the rationale. Once children internalise discipline, they are moulded with inner controls and are, invariably, driven by inner boundaries.<br /><br />This will help them to brave all the challenges that life throws at them as well as cherish the richness of life.<br /><br />Best in them<br /><br />No matter how young your children may be, induce positive self-talk that will help claim and reclaim the best in them. In time, this will help the children to have a positive self-image. When the significant others in a child’s life view him/her as someone worthy of love and respect, the child learns to accept him/herself unconditionally for who s/he is, with much joy. <br /><br />Live in the ‘now’<br /><br />The beautiful ‘now’ is all we have; yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not ours yet. As parents, we need to cherish the child for what s/he at this present moment. <br /><br />We, often, bombard children with questions like “what are you going to be?” As if to say that the child is yet to become holistic as a human being; to be accepted and loved s/he has to reach the goals set by the society. <br /><br />This negates the present moment. It is important for a child to enjoy and be fulfilled in the present moment of its existence, learning to accept life in its richness and fullness. This can be done only when we, as role models, lead a life of happiness in the ‘now’, regardless of the circumstances. <br /><br />Happy success <br /><br />Success is not equivalent to happiness. Happiness is an inbuilt treasure, while success is momentary. To be happy, we need to develop the right attitude towards life. As parents, we need to work on our own attitudes and heal our past, so that we do not pass on our unresolved pain to our children. We need to make a conscious effort to make time for things we enjoy - friends, hobbies, travel.<br /><br />To quote Stacey Charter: Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely, the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.</p>
<p>We may mean well, but the damage we could cause our little ones is often untold. Mary Chelladurai elaborates on how we can help our children to grow into joyous individuals.<br /><br /></p>.<p>What is it that we want most for our children? Is it inner peace and contentment? Or, the competitive spirit to chase rainbows and hoard heaps and bounds of material pursuits? <br /><br />The simple truth is that, as parents, most of us do not understand the real definition of happiness and the value of being joyful. And we cannot teach what we do not know.<br /><br />So, the first step to being a good parent is to become aware and unlearn certain life lessons. Next, is to inculcate the right values and attitudes in children to help them grow into happy human beings.<br /><br />Unfulfilled dreams<br /><br />Most parents tend to push their children to achieve what they may have failed to accomplish in their younger days. What they fail to see is how their constant pushing to go after every competition and excel in the eyes of the world, ignoring their own need, can wring the offspring’s spirit. <br /><br />Most of us, as parents, assume that by virtue of being on this earth for a longer time, we have the wisdom that commands blind acceptance. That’s not always the case, is it? So, instead of bombarding our kids with half-baked wisdom, let us inculcate an innate attitude of joy and contentment. You got to lead by example here.<br /><br />Freedom of choice<br /><br />Giving the child the freedom to make his/her own choices is crucial to the feeling of happiness and ownership. Children, who are allowed to make personal choices, in time, build healthy self-esteem and self-image. <br /><br />Such children learn to take responsibility for both, their problems as well as success. They don’t seek outward recognition and praise all the time to feel a sense of self-worth. <br /><br />Inside out<br /><br />Instead of threatening kids with dire consequences if they don’t do as you say, try to make them understand the rationale. Once children internalise discipline, they are moulded with inner controls and are, invariably, driven by inner boundaries.<br /><br />This will help them to brave all the challenges that life throws at them as well as cherish the richness of life.<br /><br />Best in them<br /><br />No matter how young your children may be, induce positive self-talk that will help claim and reclaim the best in them. In time, this will help the children to have a positive self-image. When the significant others in a child’s life view him/her as someone worthy of love and respect, the child learns to accept him/herself unconditionally for who s/he is, with much joy. <br /><br />Live in the ‘now’<br /><br />The beautiful ‘now’ is all we have; yesterday is gone, and tomorrow is not ours yet. As parents, we need to cherish the child for what s/he at this present moment. <br /><br />We, often, bombard children with questions like “what are you going to be?” As if to say that the child is yet to become holistic as a human being; to be accepted and loved s/he has to reach the goals set by the society. <br /><br />This negates the present moment. It is important for a child to enjoy and be fulfilled in the present moment of its existence, learning to accept life in its richness and fullness. This can be done only when we, as role models, lead a life of happiness in the ‘now’, regardless of the circumstances. <br /><br />Happy success <br /><br />Success is not equivalent to happiness. Happiness is an inbuilt treasure, while success is momentary. To be happy, we need to develop the right attitude towards life. As parents, we need to work on our own attitudes and heal our past, so that we do not pass on our unresolved pain to our children. We need to make a conscious effort to make time for things we enjoy - friends, hobbies, travel.<br /><br />To quote Stacey Charter: Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely, the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.</p>
