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The maturity index

Last Updated 16 May 2015, 16:16 IST
She was all over the place.  A blow-up here and a picture there; paper clippings and magazine write-ups; portraits and exclusive photographs, some of her quotable quotes — all adorning the walls of the teenager’s room.

A cursory glance from the threshold of the room revealed the depths of admiration for the celebrity showcased throughout the room. The superstar was Miley Cyrus of the Hannah Montana fame and the fan was a typical well-informed eighth grader. I was not too surprised at the outpouring of veneration for a showbiz idol, given the mindset of a 13 year old. Nonetheless, what took me unawares was the complete 360 degree turn the teenager had made in a matter of a year when I happened to re-visit her family. Passing her room, I observed no tell-tale of Miley Cyrus. All too soon the reigning star was dumped. After the initial surprise, I realised that it had little to do with Miley Cyrus and much to do with the transformation of her fan. It seemed that the teenager presently could not care less for Miley Cyrus. From her attire to her speech and perhaps her blond tresses included, the teen idol was now of no consequential matter. The young girl seemed to be observed with more lofty goals. What had caused this change of outlook? “She has matured,” her mother said in a solemn and satisfied demeanour.

Behind the facade

The term mature, associated with the behavioural patterns of human beings, is used synonymously to refer to any process or function that has “reached a final or desired state”. A term deposit that has matured has thus reached its final stage of investment. Likewise, a jar of wine fully matured is the one that has completed its various stages of fermentation and ergo ready to be served and savoured. From these illustrations, it is obvious that maturity is a time-consuming process. A whole phase has to be covered and completed, bringing with it several obvious and subtle changes. A term deposit multiplies accumulating interest, just as the grape concentrate mixed with sugar syrup and spices and left to ferment undergoes chemical changes to turn into delightful wine. To mature then is to fully arrive, to be all there at the place of destination, not in an instant, rather through the course of time, growing, multiplying, enhancing, adding new dimensions and getting transformed along the way.  
The concept of maturity is of great importance as it deals with the moods, temperament and behavioural patterns of humans. Though it is unrealistic to outline a rigid set of traits and hem maturity into it, over the years several theses have been put forward and consequently a unanimous code of unbounded high conduct drawn to define maturity.

At the outset, the seed of maturity is laid when a teenager manages to come out of the soulless fad of hero worshipping a TV idol or some character out of a popular novel or a hip sport. From thereon it is the evolution of the minor into a responsible and receptive adult. From the highest angle, it is choosing the appropriate way to respond to the current circumstances of life and simultaneously being mindful to the needs of society and environment. Thus when Baba Amte responded with compassion to the leper in the gutter covered with flies and maggots, it was his mature self at work. Later, when he gave up his lucrative lawyer’s profession to dedicate his life for the neglected lepers of the country and developed Anandwan, the sanctuary for lepers, he showed the world what maturity is.

From another supreme angle, maturity is the understanding and discovering of the uniqueness of oneself and finding a purpose in life that will be in alignment with that uniqueness. Could Mother Teresa have excelled at teaching in Loreto Convent in as effective a manner as she brought consolation and solace to the hundreds of destitute and hopeless people whom she reached out to? Certainly not! She became conscious of the purpose of her life which was to tend to the poor, care for the sick and love the outcasts of society. From the depths of maturity she discovered herself, giving meaning to her life and to the thousands of others her life touched.

Viewed from the commonplace of life, where the vast majority of us come from, the concept of maturity is as simple as living life in an honest, realistic and accountable manner. Accountable both to ourselves and to the society at large, of which every individual is a part. As Sydney J Harris, the American journalist, said, “We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice — that is, until we stop saying, ‘It got lost,’ and say ‘I lost it.’

The concept of maturity ultimately revolves around the active. It is therefore an ongoing process. It keeps evolving as a person begins to discover more and more of the sublime truths of himself and the world around him.

It’s all about growing up...

It is a fact of life that from the day we are born, growth is perpetual. Through infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood and finally old age, growth is a constant process. We grow physically, intellectually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The rate of progress in these various aspects of growth is however disproportionate. Physical and intellectual growth are often given top priority and fed relentlessly by our immediate family and centres of learning.

They grow at an exponential rate in the initial years of our growth and settle down to a slower pace thereafter, depending on the varied growth stimuli available to each person. The growth of mental, emotional and spiritual faculties, on the other hand, is left to chance and deliberate attention is either seldom paid or inadequately given. It is perceived that through the course of the physical and intellectual growth one would automatically attain mental and emotional growth as well. Ironically, this is a myth. It is for this reason that while a 16 year old could be towering at 6 feet and might possess the ability to crack complicated trigonometry that his father would be at his wit’s end to decipher, he would be completely misguided in revving his four-stroke motorbike to a dangerous speed in a winding and accident-prone highway. His emotional, spiritual and mental growth has not obviously matched his physical and intellectual growth, making him irresponsible towards his very life.
  
The moot question here is when can a person be said to have grown emotionally, spiritually and mentally? What are the indicators that an individual has indeed reached the optimum growth in terms of his emotions, spirituality and mental capabilities? Getting the right answers to these questions is the key to determining the maturity index of men. For it is in the emotional, spiritual and mental growth of a person that the growth of his maturity lies.
A mature person is someone who is emotionally all there. He is neither impulsive nor overtly guarded in his relationships. He is judiciously spontaneous and cautiously watchful in his interaction with others. He is warm, friendly, diplomatic, tolerant, receptive and open to the opinions of his family and friends. As a result, he develops deep, intimate and meaningful relationships with others despite differences and gaps. In short, he is balanced, good-humoured, has a sense of community and at ease with himself, his family and the world around him. As architect, inventor and educator Philip N Youtz puts it, “Taste is the mark of an educated man, imagination the sign of a productive man, and emotional balance the token of a mature man.”

The mature person is also one who is spiritually rooted and understands the greater mystery of life. The strong faith he nurtures in his religion does not come in the way of his approval of other faiths. He is cognisant of the fact that all faiths lead to moral and spiritual growth. Besides, he does not belittle the faiths to which he does not profess, nor does he question the creed of other faiths. Rather, he tries to live in harmony, joy and love of all humanity.
The mature person again is mentally balanced. He puts aside his own whims and fancies and views the world rationally. He shuns the big talk. As a thinker put it, “The mature person does not start speaking big things, rather he starts understanding small things.” He is observant and fully aware that ‘sometimes problems do not require a solution to solve them, but they require maturity to outgrow them’.

In short, a mature person is, as Eleanor Roosevelt put it, “One who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.”

Facts of life

Mark Twain once said, “We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.” So, if we had to really contemplate ourselves, what would the scrutiny show? Would the facts show us as mature, fully rounded people, finding contentment in current circumstances?
Leo Buscaglia, the author of Personhood, describes the general disposition of the society today in dealing with life and maturity. He writes, “I can’t understand why, given a choice between joy and despair, people often choose despair. My daily experiences bring me into contact with individuals who seem almost lifeless and frighteningly apathetic. Most disturbing is their complete disrespect for their personhood.”

It is true that the vast majority of us simply chose despair as a way of life. We chose to see the negative side to any situation, blame the weather for a nagging headache, hold our parents and the government responsible for our failures, lay the liability of our pitfalls on our environment, hold others accountable for our reactive lives and fix alibies where personal accountability ought to be taken in the first place. Is it a surprise then that life should turn out to be one of despair? 

And this is where maturity comes in.  The one ultimate index of maturity is to think and act all the time along the lines of: if it’s got to be, it’s up to me. The onus of maturity is always taking charge, owning up, overcoming the temptation of finding excuses, moving from the comfort zone of leaning on others, quitting the habit of condemning others for our own lack of initiative and embracing personal liability for every action done or failed to do. A story is told about the small boy who was standing on a cat’s tail. His mother, hearing the terrible commotion, called from an adjoining room, “Tommy, stop pulling that cat’s tail.” He replied without a hint of hesitation, “I’m not pulling the cat’s tail. I’m standing on it. He’s the one that’s doing the pulling.” Most of us are pretty much like this little immature boy, ready at the slightest pretext to lay the blame on someone else. This habit of passing the buck can alone single-handedly reveal the lack of maturity in a person. Mature people do not fix the blame on others, rather they take the blame on themselves and look to remedial actions. This is at the core of maturity. Life’s journey might derail sometime or meet head on with some obstacles at other times. A mature person realises this and is not abashed by it. He uses such crises as catalysts for personal growth and not as an outlet to point fingers at others.

The acid test

In the long run, there are many elements in the making of a mature man. Education, lineage, childhood experiences, existing culture, peer pressure and religious teachings are some of the prominent components. They make and shape a man. In addition, daily life experiences also teach and contribute towards a man’s character, be it in affirming his goodness or drawing him further into malicious living. Yet, from time immemorial, it has always been a fact of life that human beings have a need to be good. Nothing gives man more authentic happiness than to live up to his moral and ethical nature. Rabbi Harold Kushner says it succinctly, “Our human nature is such that we need to be helpful, thoughtful and generous as much as we need to eat, sleep and exercise. When we eat too much and exercise too little, we feel out of sorts. Likewise, when we are selfish and deceitful, we become out of touch with ourselves; we forget what it feels like to be good.”

The acid test to maturity lies in this ability of man to connect with his inner self and to be true to his innate human nature that calls for honesty and kindness, generosity and helpfulness, work and sharing, love and friendship, prayer and goodness to all. A tall order, for sure! But one that will aid in scaling the mountain of maturity. As Marya Mannis rightly said, “The process of maturing is an art to be learned, an effort to be sustained. By the age of 50, you have made yourself what you are, and if it is good, it is better than your youth.”
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(Published 16 May 2015, 16:16 IST)

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