Pronounced guilty by the world...

From birth, women are wired to take more than their fair share of the blame, which translates to a guilt trip most of the time. Vijayalakshmi Shivaram urges you to identify the source of your guilt and deal with it for good

They say women are their own worst enemies and guilt is the main weapon of self-torture. Yes, in every woman’s life, guilt as an emotion, stands strong. The underlying reason could be anything – something trivial to something really big. Moreover, guilt needn’t always be associated with any wrongdoings. Nevertheless, guilt is a damaging emotion. It does nothing but harm your emotional wellbeing and life. It doesn’t help your situation nor does it present any effective solutions to your problems. In general, there are two types of guilt:

Self-induced guilt

Most of the times, women feel guilty for their own actions. If you feel you have stepped out of line in any situation, you feel guilt, which is self-induced. For instance, working women who leave their kids under somebody else’s care suffer from the guilt that they can’t be there for their little ones. Or it could even be the guilt of cheating on one’s diet. Self-induced guilt is very easy to manage when compared with the other types. Since you are in control of your own decisions and actions, you also become responsible for your guilt. Since you take charge of your emotions, it becomes very easy to rectify the situations and do some necessary course correction.

Yes, we all have our slips; we falter at various points in our lives and deal with the consequences. But you don’t have to necessarily carry around the burden in your heart when you can easily learn from your mistakes and move on. One of the first steps in dealing with self-induced guilt is to identify the source of guilt. If you have done something wrong, accept it and have the courage to forgive yourself. Try looking at the brighter side of life during such aftermath. For instance, if you are a working mother, you can always take solace in the fact that you are working towards a financially stable future for you and your kids. Similarly, if you have cheated on a diet, plan to burn off all calories consumed and shake off the guilt.

Externally-induced guilt

Sometimes, people around you make you feel guilty. For example, if your kid is sick, people start blaming you, the mother, for not taking proper care of the child. Guilt could also stem from ridicule you get from your immediate family. The solution here is to not be bogged down; such things are beyond one’s control and need no explanation from anyone. So, just focus on analysing your guilt, deal with the nagging feeling with some corrective measures and move on.
Whether it is self-induced or externally-induced, it’s not healthy to stay in that emotion for long. It’s better to open up and discuss the issue with someone you trust. If it gets worse, seek professional help. Thanks to the abundant social stigma attached to seeking out help, many women suffer. But the truth is, only you know yourself the best.

So, if you feel that your guilt trip has taken a turn for the worse, head straight to a professional. Or better, have a tete-a-tete with the external factor forcing you to feel guilty and try to resolve the
issue.

In the end, ‘forgive and forget’ should be your mantra for life. Yes, there are times when you want to get back and give someone a taste of their own medicine. But you need to take a step back and think about what kind of damage you would do before acting upon anything like that. Reality check: it’s not a perfect world. So, get used to dealing with imperfection and develop lots of tolerance and patience. Because no amount of guilt can change the past or correct your future.