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That forties feeling

MAKING A PIT STOP
Last Updated 31 July 2015, 18:32 IST

Age is not just a number nor is it a question of mind over matter. Swatee Jog reflects on her experience of turning 40 - an age that gives you the freedom to pause, reflect, rearrange and move on

I turned forty recently. That means I have lived through three decades of my life already. But never has an age felt so significant before. Of course, the first decade, I was too young to realise anything. For most part of the second decade, I was eager to leave the land of teenagers forever and the third decade started to look scary – well, in my defense, I had just entered matrimony and the biological clock was staring at me and dreams far outweighed my bank balance. This time around, there’s a lot of clarity in life, the husband who was just a best friend a decade ago has now evolved into a soul-mate, friends have become a key part of my life and the balance in the bank doesn’t scare us anymore, although it still remains malnourished.

What’s the big deal?

As my birthday approached, a lot of comments came my way, “Oh! So, you’re turning forty, gosh! Maybe half your life is over by now, have you thought of a world trip?” And even the odd “go for a second honeymoon.” What is it about ageing that makes us so conscious of the numbers? Perhaps it is the level of maturity and the standing in society that counts here.

Many of my friends have admitted that they have toned down once they turned forty and that they don’t get as angry and throw tantrums as they did a few years ago. Some added that things like the lift taking ages to come down, a traffic jam or the chaos of kids playing does not make them lose their cool anymore.

Whichever way you look at it, turning forty definitely marks a milestone for many reasons:

* It marks the nearing of the end of being called ‘young’. When today’s workforce is joining offices as postgraduates at 22, professionals in their forties are double their age!

* It marks the end of a reproductive life for many women. Hot flashes, irritable mood swings and changing body weight find their way in.

* The forties are also a crucial juncture for the career-conscious. If you’ve started working early into your twenties, it’s now time to pause and think about retirement, at least from active office life and start doing something that you actually dreamt of all your life.

* The forties dawn with the realisation that your parents are getting older. Some unfortunate ones may have already joined the ‘dead parents’ club’. It takes a toll on your existence to lose a parent when it is now that you actually are all set to make a mark in the upper echelons.

In my opinion, turning forty is to rid oneself of all the invincibility associated with young age. The ego mellows down because not only have you achieved almost everything that you’d set your eyes on, but also because you stand at a juncture where you see a generation before you and another active one behind you. It instills a sense of profound understanding of the mortality of human life.

Forties is also the stage when one realises that not much active life may be left ahead and that one must now keep aside all the grudges, jealousies and competition and strive for achieving what makes one happy.

The definitions of happiness also change with age. If materialistic pleasures attracted you once, now it is family and pursuits like hobbies and spending time contemplating life that you’d like to engage in. You tend to look at life more seriously, as an outsider. You have accepted your body the way it is and yearn less to change or camouflage it.  

Making it better

Although turning forty has no visible significance in a person’s life, one can look at it as a key milestone and bring about certain changes.

* Pause. Take stock of your life. What have you achieved, what have you earned, and this includes friends too. Start spending more time and money on experiences and cherished moments rather than on materialistic things. If your goal in life still looks a distant dream, isn’t it time to rethink your goals in the larger scheme of things?

* Have you actively thought about philanthropy yet? If not, now is the time. Give while your own stream of income and energy levels are active. Give time. Share ideas. Volunteer at a nearest school or old-age home. 

* Travel for fun. You may have travelled the world for work, but have you travelled with family, school friends, buddies and kids? Plan for active treks, local day picnics and collect memories. Kids will outgrow all these things before you know it. Plan family get-togethers. Don’t forget toinvite distant relatives too. Click pictures and make albums with names and details. Involve kids in it so that they know the relations and the warmth they bring.

* Monitor your health. Get annual checks done and try to stay fit. Include a regimen of exercise in your daily schedule. Even though it is easier said than done, it is high time health takes precedence over entertainment.

* Have a sense of purpose. Develop it if you don’t have one. Why are you leading this life? What makes you happy? What do you want to be remembered as after you’ve gone? Learn and practice the art of forgiving and letting go wholeheartedly. Make a conscious effort to forget hurtful experiences and memories that cause pain. Weigh them against the lessons they taught and against all the good things you were bestowed in life. Surely, the good ones far outnumber the painful ones.

* Develop a hobby. Sports, reading, writing, social causes, anything that can pull you out of bed every morning, can be pursued. Start allocating time for such pursuits. It not only balances your professional and family life, it also gives a sense of rootedness and belonging.

* Assess your finances objectively. If you have earned, saved and invested enough and appropriately, you won’t need to worry. If not, the first thing to do is to start immediately. Draw your current needs and future ones. See how you can add to the balance with some smart investments.


Turning forty can be a joyous thing. With a heart full of gratitude for a well-led life and eyes still lingering on that goal far ahead, it’s a special point in life. From here on, life will shape up the way you want it to be. If you were good all along, get better. In case there’s anything that needs to be changed, do it right away. It is time to stop leading your  life and start living it.

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(Published 31 July 2015, 15:42 IST)

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