Parents, it's time to slow down

Parents are a very strong and positive force in the life of kids. They support them in all ways possible, provide education and ensure that they participate in almost all forms of extracurricular activities. Many feel it is more productive to keep their kids occupied all the time rather than leaving them free to play, explore or learn on their own. They enrol their children in activities because they want them to have a rich, happy childhood and an all-round personality. They sacrifice their own time to make sure their children are at practices and competitions. Most evenings and weekends, they are busy ferrying the young ones to numerous places: coaching centres, sports, music and dance classes and so on. So, does this mean that parents have turned into event managers for their children?

In such over-enthusiastic efforts, parents often forget about the repercussions. If the child is unenthusiastic about an activity and is still being compelled to take it up, it becomes a needless stress and impacts the child’s mental outlook. In today’s world, kids don’t get enough time to relax, which induces stress. Overscheduling can take a toll on kids’ friendships and social lives of the parents. Not only are overscheduled children prone to stress, but they often miss out on important childhood experiences.

Stressful situations
Activities, academic or sports, that induce a sense of ‘beating the competition’ takes the fun out of the activity. The focus then shifts from ‘doing well from one’s own perspective’ to ‘doing better compared with others’ and the need to be up there ‘among the toppers’. This, in turn, makes the kids  view their play mates as competitors, leading to an underlying pressure to perform ‘better than the other person’ and the pressure to win, however hollow that victory might be.

But what is very worrying is that this sense of being in a competitive world is starting to get pervasive right from childhood — often as early as when kids are five or six years old. Kids with a strong internal drive may thrive in the competition. But the pressure can be too much for others who aren’t as equipped. Many times, such kids end up constantly complaining of tiredness, increased palpitation and headaches, which ultimately leads to a drop in their academic performance.

So, is your kid going through the same situations? Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:

n Is s/he enjoying the activity or is s/he doing it just because I am asking her/him to?

n Is s/he learning something through her/his involvement?

n Is s/he participating because his/her friends are doing it or because she thinks mom and dad want her to, or because she genuinely wants to?

n Is his/her schedule making unreasonable demands on the rest of the family?

n Are his/her grades suffering due to all the activities s/he is involved in?

n Are his/her relationships suffering?

If you say yes to more than three questions, then rethink your decisions regarding your child’s activities. Here are some helpful suggestions:

n Decide on one or two activities, depending on your child’s interest and nature. Don’t pressurise the kid. Commit yourself only to activities that both you and/or the child enjoy doing.

n Unless you have plans for your child to take up a career that does not require academic education, keep academics as first preference. This will help reduce the distraction from non-academic activities for the child during exams and tests.

n Keep time for the family and it’s okay to spend time together as a family doing ‘just nothing’.

n Involve yourself in the activity your child is engaged in — learn to enjoy the activity with your child.

Another point to be understood here is that children need to go through certain things in their life such as unstructured play on their own. This gives them some space and freedom to do what they want. Then, there is the importance of spending time together as a family. Mostly due to work commitments, parents have little quality time for their families or children. Quality time spent with the family is important, but equally important is the quantity of time spent together. So, ensure you are there for your kid.

(Anuradha is associate professor of Psychology, Christ University & Sathiyaseelan is visiting professor, Symbiosis Institute of Business Management)