JOIN USDear Madam,
I am currently pursuing BE and living in a hostel. I share my room with another guy, who isn’t serious about anything in life. He has no interest in studying and spends most of his time playing games or roaming in the mall. Also, whenever I study, he constantly disturbs me. I am afraid if it continues like this, it will affect my grades and career. What do I do?
A hassled student
Dear Student,
There will always be influences around us that may not be helpful and it is up to us how much we allow them to influence us and how we establish our personal boundaries to not allow them in. Don’t feel pressured to do what he does. It is okay for you to assertively hold your ground and let him know that that is not what you want to do and you would like to spend your time differently, and that you would be happy to help him do the same if he would like to. You don’t have to feel that it is necessary for you to agree with him and do what he wants you to do in order to maintain an amicable relationship. You are both different people and it is okay for each to assert their own individuality in order to feel comfortable. Your goal in life is not to keep him happy or to make him like you. It is okay to disagree with his world-view and hold your own. All the best.
Dear Madam,
I am always running behind deadlines. No matter how early I begin my work, it
always gets delayed. Could you suggest some effective time-management
strategies?
A stressed student
Dear Student,
Time management is a very important skill for students to be able to plan out their work without getting overwhelmed and falling behind. An important thing to remember is that by not doing the work, it is not going to somehow magically not have to be done. It is not going to go away. It is just going to pile up. And the piling up is going to increase your stress and make you less able to deal with it.
An important thing to be able to do is to separate the urgent from the non-urgent and the important from the unimportant and focus on the urgent and important first. Our normal tendency is to focus on the trivial and unimportant stuff first and get that out of the way.
Also, it is helpful to make lists and deadlines and keep them handy and visible so that you don’t have to waste your active memory remembering that kind of stuff and can
better focus on what you are doing.
Make lists, categorise the items on the list and keep ticking off as you go down the list. And remember to give yourself a pat on the back for every item you complete and tick off.
Also, remember that sometimes a lot of time is wasted in trying to achieve perfection in what we are doing. It is important to keep in mind that a disproportionate amount of time is required to achieve the task perfectly (at a 100% level) compared to doing it at a 95%. Most things are acceptable at a 95% level so don’t try to achieve perfection. Trying to achieve perfection is a needless time-waster.
Dear Madam,
For most of my life, I have lived with my parents. While I aspire to pursue higher
education abroad, the thought of living away from my family is terrifying. But I don’t wish to give up on my dream course too. How do I manage this?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Moving away from the safety net of living at home with one’s family is a scary step and a major milestone in one’s life journey. Try and articulate your fears. Talk to a counsellor about them. Or discuss them with a trusted adult — someone who will not
trivialise them or brush them away. Write them down. Write down what your worst fears are and see if they are rational, and think about ways in which you can address them. What are the things you can do to reduce the physical distance and keep the contact and connection? Remember that the other side seems scary right now because you don’t know what lies ahead. Once you start settling into your new life and new routine, your life will fill up meaningfully with new things.
This is a phase of life we all have to go through, and the earlier we go through it, the sooner we are able to deal with it. It is not only scary for you. It is probably scary for any child who is faced with the prospect of having to leave home and make a life of their own. But we must never stop dreaming. So, follow your dreams but don’t forget your roots because that is what gives you strength and keeps you anchored.
Dear Madam,
Though I am studying in Class 12, I feel I am childish. Everyone teases me behind my back, which is disturbing. As a result, I can’t focus on my studies. I also feel that I am selfish, aggressive and an ardent daydreamer. I also have a habit of talking to myself in my Class, which is very amusing for my classmates. But I don’t do such things on purpose. Since I don’t study regularly, my scores are low. Kindly suggest some remedy measures.
Madhuri
Dear Madhuri,
I think it will be very helpful for you to consult a counsellor who will be able to understand what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing and help you arrive at how you can help yourself. The counsellor will help you build your confidence and also address behaviours that you are finding challenging. It is not possible for me to give you any further advice in this column because I need a more in-depth understanding.
All the best.