Be there for each other and your child...

support system

Any parent will tell you that they love their baby unconditionally from the moment they realise they have conceived.

And any parent will also tell you that the nine months of pregnancy are spent as much in nervousness regarding the baby’s health as the excitement of having one. Having a differently-abled child is every parent-to-be’s nightmare but when it does happen, it rarely changes the love they feel for their child.

Once parents accept the diagnosis and the reality that their child is differently-abled, there begins a constant battle with the world around them — protecting and raising their child with as much love, dignity and strength as they can muster. While becoming a parent can change your lives, this can become more pronounced when you are raising an autistic child.

Daily life with an autistic child presents many unique challenges. Hence, it becomes important for the parents to be there for each other and face the challenges together.
So, here are some guidelines to enable you to look out for each other and for your child as well:

 Form a team mentality: Think of it as a situation that you are in together and have to make the best out of. Life with an autistic child can be a roller-coaster ride. But it will be a fun one when you have the right companion screaming along with you while going down.
nUnderstand and talk to each other:

It may sound simple, but talking can often bring two people closer. Parents usually accept their child’s autism diagnosis in different ways and at different times, which can cause conflict. Coping mechanisms tend to differ but it’s important to talk about how you’re feeling and what you’re doing to prepare for the future.

Understanding is best way to deal with the situation.

Take breaks: Everyone needs to take breaks, as raising an autistic child is a full-time job. As parents you don’t need to feel guilty about leaving your child with a trusted friend or a family member to go on date nights to spend some quality, alone time together. If you don’t see yourself as a normal couple doing normal things, neither will the rest of the world.

Join a support group: Nobody can
understand what you’re going through better than other parents who are sailing in the same boat. Not only will you get great advice and tips but your children can have play dates that will give them the fun time they need without feeling like the odd one out.

Don’t overanalyse: The moment parents find out about the autism diagnosis, their first instinct is to google it. While it helps to know what you are dealing with, it’s important to remember that not everything you read on the Internet is true. No two autistic children are the same and if your child is reacting differently to a certain therapy or does not behave like the case study mentioned on a website, do not panic. Go through the information available together and absorb what’s relevant for your child.

Advocate for the child and for each other: Since autistic children cannot
advocate for themselves, it becomes the parents’ responsibility to advocate for the child in front of the extended family and the society at large. Also, the parents should support each other at times when the other family members are not supportive or when one of the parents is being blamed for the situation.

Prepare for the finances: Raising an autistic child comes with additional financial expenses. Autism therapy treatments, special classes, constant medical issues and regular counselling sessions, all come at a cost that will most likely be borne for a very long time. Money, or the lack of it, often causes rifts between partners so it’s important to prioritise and control expenses together. Keep your child first but indulge a little occasionally.

Surround yourself with positive people who lift your spirits and are there for you when you and your child need them the most. Appreciating, understanding, talking and preparing are some of the things couples can do to give their marriage and their child’s life the best possible shot.

(The author is director, Sparsh for Children, New Delhi)