JOIN USThis can happen at home, workplace or elsewhere. It is quite ironical, but many of us also like being controlled by someone as we feel the responsibility too, then rests with the ‘controller!’
Recently I went to see an army officer in a school. As I understood, he was in charge of the overall administration, though the institution had the usual hierarchy of a principal, vice -principal, faculty, etc.
In the midst of our conversation, he got a call on his intercom. The call, one could make out, was from one of the faculty members, who was organising a farewell for the outgoing students of standard 10. My next 25 minutes or so was spent in listening to every proposed action of the teacher being questioned by the army person and also a lecture session.
Watching this, my memories of working for someone, whom I thought was a ‘control freak’ got kindled. My boss, like many other corporate bosses, wanted to believe that he was a democrat and a staunch supporter of man’s freedom of speech!
Unfortunately, the only one voice that was heard in the conference rooms was his!
Do such people keep over-controlling everything, all the time — at workplace and at home too? Do their spouses and kids rebel against such controlling behaviour or do they get to see a friendlier mask at home?
A father throwing his infant up and catching it in sheer joy is indirectly mesmerising the child with his control and power, which he has over its well being. The expectation of wanting to see the kid talk and walk at the earliest gives way to a situation where the kid is told to shut up and sit still! The choice of education, dress to be worn, and type of food to be eaten along with the byproducts in the form of rituals, beliefs and superstitions makes a very potent powerful package, which shapes the way a child grows up, his personality and behaviour.
Intoxication
The urge to see one’s dominance in every aspect of the child’s growth can be intoxicating for the parents. Unfortunately the child does not get any respite in the school either. The teacher like the parent at home, sees one more opportunity to control a child and get paid for it too.
Does such a child grow up and become more tolerant of its near and dear ones? Or, does the rule of oppressed turning into an oppressor set in? The development of a child in a western society is in contrast to its counterpart in our society as the independence to decide and live life on its own terms sets in there with adulthood.
Many a time, the eagerness and insecurities of the parents result in the control extending to areas like the choice of stream of education, the kind of jobs to take up, job related mobility, and of course, most importantly marriage.
“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were” — the words of poet Kahlil Gibran may seem impractical for many of us!