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Going on a first date? Chuck the rule book

be yourself
Last Updated 07 October 2016, 18:37 IST

Reddit users love a chance to display their outdated views towards relationships – and the latest thread to go viral on the social media platform does not disappoint. It offers advice from hundreds of people on “first date etiquette.”

The main ‘rules’ involve travelling separately, turning off your phone, asking questions about the other person and not getting drunk.

Others include never mentioning your ex and not turning up late – though there are differing opinions on who should pay the bill.

 Frankly, it’s the sort of thing you might have expected to hear decades ago, before the advent of online dating. Times have changed. So here are the first date rules you need to know in 2016...

Don't make the bill a ‘thing’

Any conversation about whether men should pay, or a couple should split the bill is absolutely exhausting. It’s really not that hard: just behave as if you’re having a drink with a friend.

For most of us that means going halves. For others it means one person picking up the tab, while the other pays next time.

A few might let the party who earns significantly more take the hit (and possibly put it on expenses). Go wild.

But... don't pick somewhere expensive

In order to make said bill sorting fair and uneventful, the person picking the date shouldn’t choose a place where a glass of house wine costs upwards of 400 bucks. Be considerate of the fact that you may have different budgets – and if you insist on ordering expensive cocktails in a fancy bar, you’d better bloody well pay for them.

Do... drink. Lots

The idea of a sober first date is painful, whatever Reddit says about pre-drinking. If you’re meeting up with a near stranger, and are expected to be funny/charming/ witty / interesting, chances are you’ll need some help. Take it.

Do... say whatever you want

Online matchmaking sites means it’s not that hard to get a date these days. And, chances are, one day you’ll meet someone you actually like. And who likes you back. For that to happen you need to be yourself – your drunken, bill-splitting self. Don’t bother editing yourself.

Do... use your phone if you need to...

Reddit users are right – it’s usually rude to be on your phone during a date. But don’t leave it at home: if your date is dire, then you’re going to need to message friends to get you through (or live tweet it). And how can you respond to that all-important ‘emergency’ if you can't reach your handset?

...but turn your phone over if it's going well

If you have notifications on and the date is going well? Turn it over on the table or put it away. The last thing you want is for your date to see a friend asking ‘is he as awful as his Tinder bio suggested?’

Don't follow the 'third date rule'

There are so many rules when it comes to getting intimate on a first date. None of them work. There’s no reason you can’t end up in a loving relationship after a one-night stand, or several months of taking things slow. Waiting for an arbitrary number of dates is pointless. Do what feels right for both of you.

Have fun

Even if your date is awful, try and enjoy yourself or you’ll go home feeling horrendous. No one really tries to exit via the bathroom window any more. At worst, you’ll have a great dinner party anecdote.

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(Published 07 October 2016, 16:38 IST)

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