How to get the right amount of confidence

Some people suffer from a peculiar form of anxiety. They are almost fearful about whether they would look good on special occasions, whether they would make the right impression at crucial meetings or be able to carry out a difficult assignment entrusted to them. The very thought and feeling of inadequacy and inferiority makes them lose heart and they perform badly or refuse the job despite having the skill and ability to do well. Why does this happen?

Counsellors and psychiatric experts say that low self esteem and lack of confidence cause failure even among highly qualified people. Take the example of Medha Shah, a young fashion designer who crafts unique outfits for her friends. But every time she is offered a commercial contract, she backs out due to fear of failure. On the other hand, Neeta Chandra is over-confident. She takes her opportunities for granted and does not prepare well for official interviews or meetings. Both these extremes can ruin one’s chances of success. How then does one find the balance?

n The first rule to follow every day of your life is to remember that the world is not created to please you. In fact, you are born to make this world a better, happier place. So while confidence and skill are vitally important, these must be accompanied by a spirit of humility and a desire to learn. Those who want to climb the ladder of success must be willing to accept new ways of looking at life and have the will to improve oneself with time.

n Comparisons are odious. Remember that each person is unique and discard false notions of ‘being better’ than your colleagues. Stop thinking of yourself as less or more than someone else even though this is the age of cut-throat competition. At the same time, identify and acknowledge your strengths.

n However, be also aware that to undermine yourself and hate your own looks, personality and belittle yourself for everything you can’t be is destructive of all chances of success. Instead improve yourself patiently to a level where you begin to like yourself. Indeed, the idea is to love yourself for everything that you are and can be. Constant self-criticism is like a weapon that chips away at your self-confidence and chops your rightful ego into smithereens. Berating yourself again and again in comparison with higher achievers in any field is like using self-made weapons which put asunder your personality, peace of mind and happiness till you convince yourself that you are a loser.

n Cut out regrets from your life. When you have goofed up or taken wrong decisions, you beat yourself up. These thoughts sink you in a self-made mire of pity and loss and once you are deep into it, it is difficult to come up again. So look at yourself with positive power to like what is good in you and improve what is not so good.

n One’s birth and family background cannot be changed. But they should not stop anyone from achieving success. The power to overcome limitations is built in each one of us.

n The company you keep is important. If you send too much time around wayward people, the likelihood is that you will be dragged into the maze of their misdeeds. Choose the company that brings out the best in you.

n Train yourself to have pleasant thoughts through the day. Look forward to your work and leisure. Avoid ugly or vengeful thoughts and concentrate on your own progress.