<div>It’s what you think that makes the world Seem sad or gay to you; Your mind may colour all the things gray Or make them of radiant hue. – Grenville Kleiser<br /><br /><div>Whenever I read about prisoners breaking free, it gets me thinking…are they really free? Are any of the rest of us, the free people, really free? The truth is we are not. We are all, in one way or another, struggling to break free from the prison called the mind. With negative thoughts and emotions, we often build this huge fortress around ourselves that makes getting out of there near impossible. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are days when we all turn into Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys – people who are pessimism personified and only see the glass as half empty. We see ourselves as perpetual victims of circumstances and the world is always at fault. “My grandfather used to call me up every other day to check if I was in the road accident that he had read about in the paper. He obsessively read the obituary column and kept track of who was dead or dying,” recalls Sudeep Udupa, a management student. After a point, he started to ignore his calls. </div><div><br /></div><div>Negativity of this sort not only stops us from leading a happy and purposeful life but also affects the relationship we share with our loved ones. Mind pollution, experts warn, can wreck one’s life, akin to a cinder that can turn into a blazing fire if not nipped in the bud. </div><div><br /></div><div>According to Dr Vipul Rastogi, consultant, Neuropsychiatry, Medanta, Gurugram, mind pollutants can range from jealousy, materialism, substance abuse, lust and ego. Even fears, self-doubt and anxiety not only drain one’s energy but in many cases also rub off on those around us. </div><div><br /></div><div>Steer clear of negative people“People around us, especially our immediate family and close friends, influence us and our thoughts in a big way. They can pull us up or drag us down,” says Karthika Menon, a homemaker, from her experience.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are in the company of a friend who constantly complains, worries about anything and everything, be it the fluctuating gold prices or her inability to potty train her one-year-old, and has not a word of appreciation or gratitude, it is time to run a mile. “Being alone is way better than stewing in the company of such toxic people,” says Jayanti Rao.</div><div><br /></div><div>According to Raj Raghunathan, who writes for Psychology Today, a more practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the reasons for their negativity. Such people don’t feel respected or loved enough, and lack control in their own life, which is why they seek to control others, he says.</div><div><br /></div><div>We’re all wired differently “Human behaviours and habits are considered to be developed by a complex interaction of genetics and environmental factors. Our genetic coding is fixed and nothing can be done about it, but the environmental factors can be examined and modified. The greatest influences on our behaviour are our family, teachers, friends and popular culture, says Dr Vipul. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back at school, our love for a subject was directly related to how much we liked the teacher. We felt confident when we had friends who were fun to be with. But when teachers chided us for scoring low marks or when friends mocked us for our hairstyle, our self-confidence plummeted. Well into adulthood, our minds still work the same way.</div><div><br /></div><div>Control your mindBut how long can you blame external factors for your life decisions and the way you are? Pursuing his master’s degree in a foreign university, Manoj Ballal has realised one simple fact. “If you want to eat, you have to cook.” Puzzled? He goes on to explain: “When you match the frequency of desires and effort, you get what you want. Men and women who manage to do this are usually unaffected by external influences. They control their thoughts and channelise their energies by keeping the big picture in mind, and move forward no matter what the situation is.” </div><div><br /></div><div>When we dwell in our own dark thoughts, we move in the reverse gear. We turn into sponges that absorb all the negativity around. This affects our thinking, behaviour, actions and well-being. The mind is a beautiful servant and a dangerous master. We must remember that we decide what role it plays. </div><div><br /></div><div>Family mattersWhen illness befalls a family member, for instance, it is one of those times when one’s mental strength is put to test. It is easy to whine and feel victimised, but some choose to remain positive and learn to cope.</div><div><br /></div><div>“Recently, my father was critically ill. It was a difficult period for all of us. However, my mother was very positive in the way she spoke to my father and our relatives. We had many visitors who cried and shared their morbid thoughts with us. But we kept them away from my father and hid our fears from him. Because of this, my father responded to the treatment wonderfully and got well pretty soon,” shares Karthika. </div><div><br /></div><div>Experts vouch for the fact that a good family environment helps develop self-confidence and self-esteem in its members. “A disturbed home, on the other hand, is more likely to produce a disturbed child. Both negative re-enforcement of bad behaviours and positive re-enforcement of good behaviours are important in the development of a confident, self-sufficient mind,” elucidates Dr Vipul.</div><div><br /></div><div> He strongly feels that a healthy, secure upbringing coupled with good education can not only help people make the right choices in life, but also help them develop skills to appraise people and situations from other perspectives and eventually become healthy, productive citizens. </div><div><br /></div><div>How to beat the darknessLife is way too precious to be spent sulking. Therefore, we should live our life trying to fill the empty jar of negativity with positivity. It is not an easy task as the fact remains that we succumb to negativity faster. </div><div><br /></div><div>Raj Raghunathan states that almost all negativity has its roots in one of the three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected, the fear of not being loved, and the fear that “bad things” are going to happen. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that the world is a dangerous place and people are generally mean.<br /><br /></div><div> All these unfounded assumptions and self-doubts can be put to rest, provided we realise what the negative feelings are doing to us and those around us. “Add self pity to the list. Every time I begin to feel sorry for myself, I try to lighten the mood by laughing at myself. I also think about the people who are dealing with much bigger problems and remind myself of how lucky I am,” says Radhika Ashok, another homemaker. “My husband has taught me that you can overcome negative thoughts by physically exhausting yourself. For me, intense exercise or simply cleaning the house helps,” she adds.</div><div><br /></div><div>“Meditation and surrounding yourself with positive people are other ways to keep negativity at bay. Ancient wisdom and practices provide guidance on how to stay connected with your inner self. Learning this will be difficult at first but steady practice will help. Keep at it until thinking positive become second nature,” says Shalini Pais. “Reading self help or motivational books go a long way in rewiring your mind and makes you look at things differently. Staying focused and living in the present moment are defenses against negative thoughts,” she adds.<br /><br /></div><div> Be kind to one and allSimple acts of kindness, being appreciative and above all, counting one’s blessings can go a long way in accepting that things are not that bad after all. For Frank Raj, turning spiritual helped him sail through episodes of self-doubt and fear. “Two verses from The Bible completely changed my life. One freed me from a very painful past and the other gave me hope and confidence for the future,” he shares. Quoting from Johnson C Oatman’s article, Nine Tips for Investing in Happiness, he says one has to focus on the many blessings we possess rather than brood over the riches of our neighbours. Maintaining a gratitude book could do wonders to our mental health.</div><div><br /></div><div>Haroon Khimani, an artist, holds exhibitions in major cities, engages in social work and does his part to make the world a better place. Today, he can’t explain how fulfilling it was to finance an art workshop for homeless children. “If the whole world thinks positively, then you don’t need to seek paradise,” says Shalini. One couldn't agree more.</div></div>
<div>It’s what you think that makes the world Seem sad or gay to you; Your mind may colour all the things gray Or make them of radiant hue. – Grenville Kleiser<br /><br /><div>Whenever I read about prisoners breaking free, it gets me thinking…are they really free? Are any of the rest of us, the free people, really free? The truth is we are not. We are all, in one way or another, struggling to break free from the prison called the mind. With negative thoughts and emotions, we often build this huge fortress around ourselves that makes getting out of there near impossible. </div><div><br /></div><div>There are days when we all turn into Debbie Downers and Negative Nancys – people who are pessimism personified and only see the glass as half empty. We see ourselves as perpetual victims of circumstances and the world is always at fault. “My grandfather used to call me up every other day to check if I was in the road accident that he had read about in the paper. He obsessively read the obituary column and kept track of who was dead or dying,” recalls Sudeep Udupa, a management student. After a point, he started to ignore his calls. </div><div><br /></div><div>Negativity of this sort not only stops us from leading a happy and purposeful life but also affects the relationship we share with our loved ones. Mind pollution, experts warn, can wreck one’s life, akin to a cinder that can turn into a blazing fire if not nipped in the bud. </div><div><br /></div><div>According to Dr Vipul Rastogi, consultant, Neuropsychiatry, Medanta, Gurugram, mind pollutants can range from jealousy, materialism, substance abuse, lust and ego. Even fears, self-doubt and anxiety not only drain one’s energy but in many cases also rub off on those around us. </div><div><br /></div><div>Steer clear of negative people“People around us, especially our immediate family and close friends, influence us and our thoughts in a big way. They can pull us up or drag us down,” says Karthika Menon, a homemaker, from her experience.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you are in the company of a friend who constantly complains, worries about anything and everything, be it the fluctuating gold prices or her inability to potty train her one-year-old, and has not a word of appreciation or gratitude, it is time to run a mile. “Being alone is way better than stewing in the company of such toxic people,” says Jayanti Rao.</div><div><br /></div><div>According to Raj Raghunathan, who writes for Psychology Today, a more practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the reasons for their negativity. Such people don’t feel respected or loved enough, and lack control in their own life, which is why they seek to control others, he says.</div><div><br /></div><div>We’re all wired differently “Human behaviours and habits are considered to be developed by a complex interaction of genetics and environmental factors. Our genetic coding is fixed and nothing can be done about it, but the environmental factors can be examined and modified. The greatest influences on our behaviour are our family, teachers, friends and popular culture, says Dr Vipul. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back at school, our love for a subject was directly related to how much we liked the teacher. We felt confident when we had friends who were fun to be with. But when teachers chided us for scoring low marks or when friends mocked us for our hairstyle, our self-confidence plummeted. Well into adulthood, our minds still work the same way.</div><div><br /></div><div>Control your mindBut how long can you blame external factors for your life decisions and the way you are? Pursuing his master’s degree in a foreign university, Manoj Ballal has realised one simple fact. “If you want to eat, you have to cook.” Puzzled? He goes on to explain: “When you match the frequency of desires and effort, you get what you want. Men and women who manage to do this are usually unaffected by external influences. They control their thoughts and channelise their energies by keeping the big picture in mind, and move forward no matter what the situation is.” </div><div><br /></div><div>When we dwell in our own dark thoughts, we move in the reverse gear. We turn into sponges that absorb all the negativity around. This affects our thinking, behaviour, actions and well-being. The mind is a beautiful servant and a dangerous master. We must remember that we decide what role it plays. </div><div><br /></div><div>Family mattersWhen illness befalls a family member, for instance, it is one of those times when one’s mental strength is put to test. It is easy to whine and feel victimised, but some choose to remain positive and learn to cope.</div><div><br /></div><div>“Recently, my father was critically ill. It was a difficult period for all of us. However, my mother was very positive in the way she spoke to my father and our relatives. We had many visitors who cried and shared their morbid thoughts with us. But we kept them away from my father and hid our fears from him. Because of this, my father responded to the treatment wonderfully and got well pretty soon,” shares Karthika. </div><div><br /></div><div>Experts vouch for the fact that a good family environment helps develop self-confidence and self-esteem in its members. “A disturbed home, on the other hand, is more likely to produce a disturbed child. Both negative re-enforcement of bad behaviours and positive re-enforcement of good behaviours are important in the development of a confident, self-sufficient mind,” elucidates Dr Vipul.</div><div><br /></div><div> He strongly feels that a healthy, secure upbringing coupled with good education can not only help people make the right choices in life, but also help them develop skills to appraise people and situations from other perspectives and eventually become healthy, productive citizens. </div><div><br /></div><div>How to beat the darknessLife is way too precious to be spent sulking. Therefore, we should live our life trying to fill the empty jar of negativity with positivity. It is not an easy task as the fact remains that we succumb to negativity faster. </div><div><br /></div><div>Raj Raghunathan states that almost all negativity has its roots in one of the three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected, the fear of not being loved, and the fear that “bad things” are going to happen. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that the world is a dangerous place and people are generally mean.<br /><br /></div><div> All these unfounded assumptions and self-doubts can be put to rest, provided we realise what the negative feelings are doing to us and those around us. “Add self pity to the list. Every time I begin to feel sorry for myself, I try to lighten the mood by laughing at myself. I also think about the people who are dealing with much bigger problems and remind myself of how lucky I am,” says Radhika Ashok, another homemaker. “My husband has taught me that you can overcome negative thoughts by physically exhausting yourself. For me, intense exercise or simply cleaning the house helps,” she adds.</div><div><br /></div><div>“Meditation and surrounding yourself with positive people are other ways to keep negativity at bay. Ancient wisdom and practices provide guidance on how to stay connected with your inner self. Learning this will be difficult at first but steady practice will help. Keep at it until thinking positive become second nature,” says Shalini Pais. “Reading self help or motivational books go a long way in rewiring your mind and makes you look at things differently. Staying focused and living in the present moment are defenses against negative thoughts,” she adds.<br /><br /></div><div> Be kind to one and allSimple acts of kindness, being appreciative and above all, counting one’s blessings can go a long way in accepting that things are not that bad after all. For Frank Raj, turning spiritual helped him sail through episodes of self-doubt and fear. “Two verses from The Bible completely changed my life. One freed me from a very painful past and the other gave me hope and confidence for the future,” he shares. Quoting from Johnson C Oatman’s article, Nine Tips for Investing in Happiness, he says one has to focus on the many blessings we possess rather than brood over the riches of our neighbours. Maintaining a gratitude book could do wonders to our mental health.</div><div><br /></div><div>Haroon Khimani, an artist, holds exhibitions in major cities, engages in social work and does his part to make the world a better place. Today, he can’t explain how fulfilling it was to finance an art workshop for homeless children. “If the whole world thinks positively, then you don’t need to seek paradise,” says Shalini. One couldn't agree more.</div></div>
