Bacche shaitan hote hain, gunde nahin, so said Jitendra in Gulzar’s Parichay when he is asked to straighten up a few out-of-control kids whose idea of mischief is to send a turtle crawling into a teacher’s room at night. Long before Aamir Khan’s Taare Zameen Par implored parents and a one-eyed education system to look at children with empathy and appreciation, Parichay emphasized the need to ‘know’ our kids as they are and not as we expect them to be. But those were simpler times.
Today, the accountability gene has gone amiss in our society. Are we raising a generation of brazen, conscience-free children who will grow into self-appeasing fiends? Does it all boil down to good parenting? The question is just what constitutes good parenting? “My parents inculcated a strict code of right and wrong in us. I lived in a close knit, middle-class neighbourhood where everyone knew everyone and there was a sense of kinship. That has gone amiss today,’’ says Ravi (name changed), a media professional who learnt to give and receive help, sustain friendships and to be a part of a larger community at a young age.
It is clear that violence has little to do with affluence or the lack of it because kids attune to violence when they grow up without boundaries and are not taught to respect others. Add to this, the influx of violent images into our homes and minds through news reports, crime shows, films and the Internet. Not to mention the cartoon channels where violence is playfully turned into a cat and mouse game.
Managing director of Dronequill Publishers Pvt Ltd, Jamuna Rao says, “With media’s presence everywhere, we tend to see more negative images than positive of the youth. But it is not the children in whom the accountability gene has gone amiss but in the adults. It is all about making money today, no matter how. People evaluate themselves and others by the amount of money they make. Look at the words like ‘Loser’ that the young use to describe someone who does not fit in.
Fame or success has little connection with merit anymore. There is no social stigma in getting caught in doing the wrong things because the perception is that money can even buy law. To get what you want at any cost is greatly desirable quality. There is total disregard for means and the ends are not society oriented but mercenary and self centered. It is about more money, more cars.” Author Shashi Deshpande opines,”There is a loosening of social fabric and family ties all around. Once children were accountable to authority and knew their boundaries but now that is not the case. The obsession with money is percolating down to relationships. . There is pride today in using force to get what you want, in being `Bindaas’ and not caring for consequences and how you may be hurting someone or yourself in the long run. I am reluctant to put all the blame at the parents’ door because there are other pervasive forces at work in the society.’’
Theatre person and owner of Native Place, Aliyeh Rizwi sees a parallel between the fast devolving social mores in India and the US where school shootings and random crimes by the young are growing in numbers. She says, “Loss of social equilibrium is all about either having too much or too less. India is growing economically but not for everyone and that breeds discontent among those who don’t have it all. Also despite the economic strides, our minds have not developed to keep pace. TV channels are meant to be instruments of social change but all they do is promote their own agendas.”
“Everything is acceptable today,’’ she says and adds, “I think, it is important to instill discipline in young children from a very young age. Parents must know that being friendly and being over indulgent are two different things. As are being involved and being interfering. It is important to tell kids that it is not what they have but who they are that matters.’’
Family counsellor and founder of Banjara Academy, Dr Ali Khwaja rounds up the debate, “Apart from teaching our kids to be ambitious, we must also teach them to face failure, be it in love or in career or in social life. Parenting is a science today and parents must be aware of a child’s inner life, provide healthy role modelling and introduce them to a world view which is not just about the individual but a community.’’ Maybe then, a child faced by a complex, off-centre world will learn to hold on to his roots and not get swept away in torrents of mindless greed.
