Dear Madam,
I am 17 years old and have just finished my second PUC Exams. In school, I used to be a topper in my class. After I joined college, I lost interest in my studies and failed in my first exam. Though I was able to get through after that, I never scored to potential.
I have not done my Board exams very well and will not get more than 80 per cent. I have never been to tuitions but now entrance exams are frightening me. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I lose my temper whenever my parents speak to me about my performance and try to advice me to study. After a war of words I feel sorry and let down, but never try to make up. Please suggest how I can control my temper and get an interest back in my studies.
Veekay
Dear Veekay,
Due to a backlog of questions to be answered, you are receiving an answer only now. I am sure you must be thinking that an answer at this time is not going to help you. However, I am answering the question, as I believe it can help you even now and may be others who find themselves in a similar position.
Being a topper in a class is a very relative situation, for one can be a topper of a small class, or an average class. The percentage is much more important to consider, for then you can compete with yourself and see that you keep moving upwards step be step.
You have mentioned not going for tuitions and fear of entrance exams in the same sentence. This is possibly because most of your classmates and friends have been going for tuitions to prepare for the entrance exams.
I have often asked bright students why they needed tuition. Most say that it provides them the discipline to actually work. I do not believe a crutch is necessary in order to be disciplined. Discipline should come from within, - it is a way of life.
In other words, tuitions are not necessary if one is self-disciplined. It is another matter if a student is weak in a subject, then extra help will be beneficial.
As for your temper, you are losing it as your parents are telling you what you already know. It is like rubbing salt into a raw wound. Possibly what you want from them is understanding, acceptance, and a solution.
There is no need for me to tell you how to control your temper. You will control it once you start doing better and your self-esteem is on the rise.
Dear Madam,
I am studying in 2nd PUC. I am an above average student and come from a middle class family.
My problem is that I want everything to be perfect and want everything to go my way. I get disturbed with small things that go wrong and that makes my mind to think about that and my whole day is wasted.
I have a dream of becoming a pilot. I want to work towards it by studying well and thus make everyone proud of me. Please tell me what I should do to keep my mind off the disgusting things happening in society and concentrate on my studies. Please suggest some ways of studying and concentrating.
Ganesh
Dear Ganesh,
You want to become a Pilot. I wonder whether you know that a plane has an instrument known as the ‘attitude indicator’. When an aeroplane is climbing, it has a ‘nose-high’ attitude because the nose of the plane is pointed above the horizon.
When the aircraft is diving, it is called a ‘nose-down’ attitude. Pilots are concerned about attitude of the aeroplane because that indicates its performance. (Learnt from ‘The Winning Attitude’ by John C Maxwell)
The same can be said of all of us; - an individual’s attitude dictates one’s peformance. Ganesh, is your attitude indicator showing nose-high or nose-down? Are you looking down on all people you consider less than perfect? I wonder whether you have realised that while you want society to be perfect, by your own admission you are far from perfect!
Please put your attitude indicator on nose-high, pointing towards your goal and focus on reaching there. Also, instead of finding fault, try to make a difference in small concrete ways.
Incase you cannot get over your present thoughts that are causing you anxiety; I would suggest that you consult your family physician. S/he may recommend an evaluation by a psychologist.
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