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Deccan Herald » Metro Life - Mon » Detailed Story
IN A LIGHTER VEIN: Swalpa connect maadi...
The great wallcaper
In India we do things differently. It becomes an issue. First the media starts speculating on whether it was another attempt by terrorists to spread panic. Was it Lashkar or Huji and

It all began when little Humpty Dumpty (HD) toppled off his perch and sustained some injuries. Anywhere else in the world a passerby would have taken HD to the nearest hospital and got him patched up and dispatched..

In India we do things differently. It becomes an issue. First the media starts speculating on whether  it was another attempt by terrorists to spread panic. Was it Lashkar or Huji and was the modus operandi similar to the blast in Mecca Masjid. There will be a committee appointed to enquire into the location of the wall. Why was it located where it was. Who sanctioned it and did the deal have anything to do with  Quatrocci, The committee with deliberations lasting 11 years will come up with a recommendation to demolish the wall lest other Perchees fall off it.

This is where the activists will get activated. Medha  Patkar will have a demonstration and threaten to go on an indefinite hunger strike if the wall was brought down as it shelters migrant labour. Arundhati Roy will take time off from the novel she is not writing to pen a scathing attack on fundamental right of walls  to exist. Wiproand Infosys will threaten to pull out of the State if the infrastructure is not developed. At which Mr Kheny will give interviews on how the current Government is trying to sabotage his contract to build infrastructure .
The State Government will disown having ever having commissioned the wall. It is an illegal structure and must come down.

This will provoke Maneka Gandhi into a strident interview with  Aaj Tak about Animal Rights - mainly canine rights to pee on the wall.

 Demolishing it will cause an epidemic of kidney failure among the dogs of the area. What kind of country allows its stray dog population to suffer from kidney problems?

The  ruling party will claim that there never was an HD and no wall. This will lead to the opposition to go to court and get an affadavit signed to declare the existence of the wall and HD, who was not a Kannadiga but a Keralite who by now has  got a job in the Middle  East.

This will lead Nanjundiah's followers to protest against  people from other states who perch on  Kannadiga walls as their birthright. All perching in the state, should be done by natives only.

Historians will start researching the origins of the wall. One of them will  put forth that it was made by Alexander's troupe when they came down south and refused to go further.

This will be hotly contested by a group who espouse the theory that  it was built by a Hoysala king    to keep out the muslim conquerors. Naturally it will become a communal issue with the BJP insisting on rebuilding the wall and painting it saffron.

Some miscreants will come and hack away a portion. This will instigate  a communal riot and 850 people will suffer injuries, leading the State  Home Minister to declare that he will not resign. Because nor did Narendra Modi after Gujarat. And Bush will ask his advisors if the wall is on the Indo Pak border and does HD have anything to do with Osama.

 Laloo Prasad giving a talk at Harvard  will say "What this is umpty pumty gadbad we are corrupt karring Indian bachalog with".  Nitish Kumar will recommend   an immediate replacement: "How now brown cow, did you get your fodder? N o Sir, no Sir.  Its been scammed by Laloo' order" To be sung by Amitabh Bachchan to the tune of Chak De India.

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