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Shammi* was angry with her son’s teacher because she scolded him for being absent due to a cricket tournament he was participating in. “I know what is good for my son, and he does not neglect his studies. But I do not like anyone suppressing his passion for sport,” she complained to the counsellor.
Neeta*, a committed teacher, was upset when a parent posted an unwanted criticism on the parents’ group, accusing her of being partial to some students.
Rita faces constant negativity from her principal, but being a sincere teacher, she reminds herself that she is in the job for her students and not the school’s management—and thus manages to keep her spirits high. Lately, she is getting depressed because some parents, not realising her situation, commented about things which she had no control over.
Such incidents and attitudes often de-motivate teachers or parents who feel they are facing an uphill battle single-handedly with no cooperation from the other side. When the goal is the child’s progress, development and well-being, it is worth introspecting why sometimes they seem to be at loggerheads with each other.
Mary, a teacher with 28 years of experience, says that her takes talks about certain behaviours of a child are not taken to kindly by the parents.
An informal survey showed that confrontation between parents and teachers is more common in higher-end schools where the fees are high, and consequentially, parents’ expectations are also higher. Much of the unhappiness is due to the communication gap. Some schools seem to restrict the visits or involvement of parents. Most interaction takes place during the formal and rushed up Parent-Teacher Meetings (PTMs), where complaints and disappointments, are shared, not always in a calm and amicable atmosphere.
Sometimes, some teachers focus on parents who do not acknowledge their work, and forget that most parents who appreciate their work and are willing to support when required.
It is easy to bring about harmony between the two with a slight change in attitude and positive thinking.
Dr Keshav Raj, a parent from Tumkur, recommends the identification and sharing of different attributes, attitudes and behaviours of the child whenever there is contact between teacher and parent. Discussions should not be restricted to academic performance issues.
A parent, Seema, speaks about how, in her son’s school, parents volunteered for outdoor trips, Annual Days, and various festivals. She is happy that the Principal would publicly acknowledge these gestures, thus enhancing their motivation.
Bhavana*, a parent, says: “Teachers have professional insights and strategies, while as a parent, I have personal insights into my child’s needs and preferences. Together, these perspectives create a comprehensive support system.”Some parents say that their child had lost interest in learning when humiliated or put down in front of friends and other teachers.
A few ways to build harmony
First impressions are very important. At the beginning of the academic year, have 1:1 interactions and discuss plans
Inquire about the parent/teacher as an individual, take an interest in them and build empathy
Periodically send a message greeting on some occasion or just expressing good wishes
As far as possible, maintain transparency and let the other know what is happening in your life, family or school.
Understand and accept that many children behave differently in school and at home. Instead of using that as a weapon to attack the other, put your heads together and find out why that happens and how it can be used for better response in both places.
Since it is the era of social media, form a group with a clear rule that no negative comments or criticism will be put on it, but appreciation, progress, and tips to improve children will be shared regularly.
Some activities, such as excursions and celebrations, can be made into joint ventures between parents and teachers.
Willing parents may be invited to come one day and take a few classes in the school. Parents may invite teachers in rotation to their house to spend a relaxing evening with the family (if possible, with the teacher’s family).
They can think of many more such activities from time to time. Motivation to do so will be higher if both understand that good relationships between parents and teachers reduce the workload and stress for both of them.
(The author is an education counsellor)
(*: name changed)