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Rashmi Rajagopal
A course titled ‘Negotiating Intimate Relationships’, introduced by Delhi University, has drawn attention to the need for equipping students with tools to navigate love, relationships, and heartbreak. Bengaluru-based counsellors and educationists believe it as a positive step toward building emotional awareness between genders. They call for such courses to be introduced in Bengaluru schools and colleges too.
In recent months, Bengaluru has seen a rise in gruesome murders caused by rejection or soured relationships. Earlier this week, a techie was brutally stabbed by a 25-year-old man with whom she was in an extramarital relationship. This points to the inability to handle rejection, experts say.
Ananthu Nair, whose PhD thesis was on the topic ‘Digital Intimacies in Urban India’, explains that modern dating affects genders differently. For his thesis, he interviewed 400 men and women, aged 18-29, from across India. “I found that men suffer from self-esteem issues and generally have negative experiences on dating apps. Over 90% of men have little to no success. Women, on the other hand, suffer from fatigue due to an abundance of options and have developed a rejection mindset,” explains Nair, a professor of communication at Manipal Academy of Higher Education. Physical appearance takes on a new level of importance as people are judged by their profiles on social media and dating apps. As a result, disturbing online subcultures like incel (involuntary celibates — comprising heterosexual men who struggle to find sexual partners and consequently objectify women) are thriving, he says.
Down to basics
Psychologist Nithya J Rao says many of her Gen Z clients are “unaware of what a healthy relationship looks like”. “They ask basic questions like ‘How do I approach the person I am interested in?’ or ‘How should I behave when I meet their parents?’,” she shares. Such courses are “absolutely necessary,” especially when they address topics like building trust, handling conflict, and improving communication.
Father Richard Rego, a professor of communication at St Joseph’s University, observes that students have become increasingly individualistic compared to previous generation. He believes “a course focused on helping them understand deep emotions, and others’ emotional needs and differences will be a game changer”.
Low emotional resilience
Low emotional resilience is detrimental to relationships. “The smallest of relationship issues seem insurmountable. A failure or a rejection feels like a catastrophe. This results in anxiety, depression, or violence,” notes Kala Balasubramanian, a psychotherapist. Emotional awareness allows us to understand our and others’ pain, respect self and others’ choices and boundaries. Without it, there is little scope for genuine emotional connection and intimacy. “In this age of instant gratification, staying in a relationship is tough,” says Kala.
A course on relationships should take on taboo topics and stereotypes head-on and not skirt around uncomfortable yet important topics for it to be truly effective, says Fiona Vaz, a 23-year-old post graduate student.
About the course
Delhi University’s course ‘Negotiating Intimate Relationships’ is a four-credit paper that will address topics like identifying red flags in relationships, nurturing fulfilling long-term relationships and developing emotional resilience in a world dominated by social media and dating apps. It is open to undergraduates of
all disciplines.