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Prone to harbouring exaggerated expectations of perfection from others, we complain when things do not happen as per our reckoning. We find so many pretexts to complain about one deficiency or the other, both at home and outside.
At home, the stage when spouses start complaining to each other spells the beginning of deterioration in the relationship. The complaining tone does not sound pleasant. The habit of complaining sours the marital relationship. Complaints arise due to expectations of high standards from the other side. But we should ponder if we ourselves maintain such a high level of standards that we expect from the other side.
Outside the home, grievances do arise in the service sector for deficiencies which warrant complaints. Sometimes it is justified to lodge a complaint also. But giving feedback is preferable. Complaints have negativity about them, whereas feedback exudes positivity. By complaining we tend to berate a person; on the other hand, by giving feedback our intention is to bring about improvement.
Most businesses seek feedback in a bid to pre-empt complaints. After having flown a flight, you generally receive an email and text message from the airline urging you to give feedback. Whenever I get my car serviced, the company sends mail and messages to get feedback from me. Banks have also started doing this.
This corporate and institutional culture of seeking feedback should be imbibed in our personal lives too.
However, in the personal domain we have to give feedback on our own without the other person seeking it. Rather than jumping to complain in a harsh tone and with crude words, we should take a pause and proceed to give feedback in a neutral tone and polite words. Giving feedback will yield positive outcomes.
We need to change our mindset. Instead of rushing to complain, we should learn to provide feedback. Our tone changes for the better when we give feedback rather than complain. A complaint is a reaction; feedback is a response. Do not complain to your wife that she had put excessive salt in the dish in an intemperate tone; rather, give her feedback in a polite tone that the dish tasted of excessive salt.
We should learn both to give and receive feedback in a positive manner.