"One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness,” said the celebrated American humorist, Henry Wheeler Shaw. This draws us to the question, ‘what exactly is politeness?’ Is politeness merely being nice and cultured to others in our interactions? Is it putting on a show to appear kind and sympathetic in society? Could it mean broadmindedness or forbearance in our interpersonal relationships? While politeness embraces all of the above qualities at a broader level, it boils down to the two significant attributes of listening wholly and speaking kindheartedly. It encompasses how well we listen and speak in our daily lives as individuals.
To give our complete and undivided attention in a conversation is at the core of politeness. Oftentimes, we listen with the intent to retort. We interrupt, add our own observations and end the conversation only too prematurely with our own conclusions. This not only makes us poor conversationalists but also puts us among the impolite category of people. To listen all the way with attention, empathy and reverence is what makes for the fine art of politeness.
The other important aspect of politeness is to learn to speak with respect and courtesy. Saying please and thank you for instance are important components of politeness. Giving our wholehearted appreciation and speaking words of approbation to others in our conversation makes us good pupils in the fine art of politeness. However, giving appreciation should not be confused with empty flattery. Genuine and sincere appreciation is what makes us polite. Looking for and commending others honestly where appreciation is due is the quintessence of politeness.
Politeness, in a nutshell, is when every female is more of a lady than a mere woman and every male is more of a gentleman than a plain man. In one of the shows of his Emmy award-winning series titled “Life is worth living,” which was aired on American Television Network from 1952 to 1965, Archbishop Fulton J Sheen encapsulated what makes a woman, a lady and a man, a gentleman in his classic humour thus: “A lady is one who makes it easy for a man to be a gentleman and a gentleman is one who remembers a lady’s birthday but never her age!”