Don't deal with fatness like hippos!

Deepa Ballal writes on how fat women tend to withdraw into a world of complexes.

Just the other day I was reading how being fat did affect ones marriage. Not that mine has hit the rock bottom, but was curious to know. And was shocked to read about people who really thought that a fat wife was one major reason for many marriages to break up. And this was what one of them had to say.

Why are married women fatter than single women? Because single women come in, see what’s in the fridge, and go to bed, whereas married women come in, see what’s in the bed, and go to the fridge.

It aches me to know that everytime fatness is equated with eating habits. it could be just one of the many factors. This does sound a little demoralizing….but somehow I feel the weight that many women gain after marriage is partly because of what they share/ don’t share with their spouses.

We do crave for the love of our spouses but when that doesn’t seem to be coming, we do get depressed at times taking refuge even in eating! I wonder if the kind of body we possess plays a major role in our lives especially our so-called love lives, the self doubt does creep in.

That doesnt mean that all unhappy marriages see this scenario. There are wives equally unhappy, yet lean. Has anyone heard of a fat husband and an unhappy thin wife, I need to google more on this.

“May be I am not worthy, may be I am not pretty.” Sadly, (wo)man is/becomes what he thinks.  And when we lose confidence in ourselves, the kind of words we use, the kind of conversations we have with our spouses all go to conclude that we are somewhere lesser than the man in our life. Voila! What we do goes upraised or receives caustic comments. Soon, you realize your kid too starts liking the slim aunty next door who wears fancy clothes and stilettos.

Not to mention your hubby drooling over the hot babe who just passed by. All of a sudden you are branded as being too sensitive. I guess with layers of skin, we too like the hippos grow very sensitive on land and would rather immerse ourselves in a mudpool of oblivion, to keep our sanity intact.

Or could we blame the genes after all? “I feel it all boils down to money. When you earn, you earn respect too. But as long as I am fat, it would be discussed as a primary concern in all our family gatherings, of course behind my back,” says 44 year old Diya laughingly, a homemaker. With economic independence does come a sudden rise in ones self-esteem.

You are happier, you enjoy being among people who make you happy, life gets busy, happy hormones reduce the bad cholesterol in you, and it all does wonders to you. So will finding a job or a regular flow of income temporarily shut the mouths?

Sadly for many men across the globe (and in our own households too) a fat wife means a social embarrassment.  “I dont know why but I have never seen my husband introduce me to any of his colleagues. Nor has he invited anyone home. I did discuss this with him, but never got a convincing reply,” says 34 year old Shaheen, another “fat” wife. The seeds of doubting your capabilities does whisk the happiness from our lives.

The weight we have gained or lost does become the most often discussed topic in all family gatherings. Snide remarks as to the amount of servings you have taken or not taken, or even the amount of space you occupy while you travel does become the butt of every joke.

The kind of intimacy that existed prior to our fat days just seems to have vanished into thin air. There are couples who rarely sleep together too. They would rather snuggle up with their kids or quilts. Call it tension, tiredness or general lack of enthusiasm, for depressed souls even a warm hug could do wonders, but alas, rarely does this phenomenon happen.

“As a kid, as a student, my parents never made me feel I was a fat child, though I was always on the plump side. But the moment I stepped into school, I realized it for the first time. People could get so imaginative. On the first day some called me a tomato, some a potato and in higher grades I was “boddi.” The kind of rage that this remark filled in me is something that I cannot explain.

But nevertheless, it was an arrow right at the dart. It hit me where it hurt the most. The purpose of the opposite party was easily achieved. When humiliation seeped through, all my arguing skills, debating skills would go down the drain,” explains 37 year old Daksha.
Weight as an issue is something that families have to sit and talk through. I find it demeaning when husbands make fun of their wife’s weight in the public space and still worse silently listen or support to the remarks being made by the rest of the so-called well-wishers.

 And for all the fat women out there, for some known / unknown reason we have all added tires around us. Not for cosmetic reasons, but health reasons, its better to shed them off. This may sound cliched but this does have a grain of truth: believe me, being emotionally balanced in life is more vital than the fluctuating weighing scale.

And a good health often keeps us emotionally healthy. Losing weight to please your hubby or your folks should never be the goal. For once lead a life for yourself. Do something for yourself. Guess this is nature’s way of telling, “Hey all you fat women, think once for yourself and stop worrying about others.”

Eat healthy, exercise, and be happy. Don’t be the trashcan for the food leftover by your kids or for all the unpleasant remarks. Its time you sat with your loved ones and discussed how you feel and how they make you feel. Losing weight for a healthy tomorrow, is a journey and its fun when your family is with you.