'Accepting reality needs high degree of mental strength'

The Inquirer

As head of the youth affairs division of the Commonwealth secretariat in London and then as an international consultant he has a varied experience in dealing with the stress factor. He speaks to Shruba Mukherjee of Deccan Herald on some of the coping mechanisms. Excerpts:

Adolescence has always been a difficult time. But why the stress factor and abnormalities due to this become acute now?

Due to a whole range of factors, the dimensions and intensity of this ‘difficult time’ have increased. The environment in which a child grows has changed; emotional and social issues have acquired considerable significance because of their impact on the overall growth of the adolescents. Another factor that has contributed considerably to increased stress in them is the expectations of the parents from their children — in terms of behaviour and actions. Earlier, the dos and don’ts were part of the wider socialisation process and the adolescents accepted and internalised them without much difficulty. Now, these dos and don’ts come as a separate package because the socialisation process itself has got diluted.

As the world has become more competitive, there is greater emphasis on academic performance. When the expectations of parents (and teachers) are not met, there is palpable frustration all around. It not only leads to stress in the adolescents but the family environment also gets vitiated, creating more stress for them.

The problem is further accentuated because the domain of interaction of an adolescent has become considerably enlarged. It extends beyond the family members; to peers and other groups. Also, many of them are able to connect with a wider world through electronic media, communication gadgets, internet, etc. These developments increase pressures on the adolescents and impact their psyche. They get involved in intra-personal or inter-personal conflicts and this leads to heightened stress.

Is the materialistic world at the root of the problem?

Yes, in India, now greater value is being attached to materialistic possessions. It is, therefore, not surprising that the adolescents are also imbibing these values. After all, the world of adolescents is microcosm of larger society. These values are constantly reinforced by electronic media through advertisement blitz and by publicity of the lifestyle of those who are the icons or role models for the adolescents. When they do not get what they aspire for, there is frustration and stress.

“Learn the art of letting go...’ is your advice to the GenX. Don’t you think that to let something go is considered a sign of weakness?

This suggestion has been made in the context of coping with the stressful situation. If you are convinced that you cannot change certain things, circumstances, or situations in life, the options are limited — keep sulking and remain in a constant state of stress and tension or accept the reality; either get stuck in present or let the things pass and move on. Further, there is a caveat to this advice. The ‘silent prayer’ that ends with the words, “wisdom to know the difference”, conveys the message to the adolescents that they should undertake a thorough analysis of their relative abilities and competencies before concluding that certain things cannot be changed. Later in the paragraph, there is another counsel for the adolescents — “That, however, does not mean that you should not try to widen the range of your competencies or back down when faced with challenges.”

Together, these expressions constitute an exhortation to the adolescents not to give up easily but at the same time be willing to face realities of life. Thus, far from being a sign of weakness, accepting reality (and letting things go) is indicative of high degree of mental strength, positive temperament, and sound character. 

How do you advice the teenagers to develop their coping skills?

Development of coping skills is an intense mental and emotional process, requiring full commitment and constant efforts. There are no short-cuts or fast track. You need to persevere. This course of action is not confined to acquisition (of skills), but it implies bringing about substantive changes in the way you think, your behaviour patterns, and the manner in which you manage your life. It is, therefore, necessary that you should be willing and mentally prepared to change.

The next step is an analytical understanding of your immediate environment — its dynamics; the problems you are facing and are likely to face; the situations you are confronting or likely to confront; and the challenges that may come your way.

This is followed by an honest and objective appraisal of your abilities, strengths and weaknesses that may either support or inhibit action to deal with the problems and situations that you may encounter. This measure will help you identify areas — in terms of your attitudes, behaviour, etc — in which you need to work to bring about the desired changes.