Compulsive comparison

Compulsive comparison

Witty and absurd — that’s what I would call our neighbour. And bollywood stars are a huge obsession with her. She has a colourful way of describing people: slotting them by their looks, shape and size and invariably comparing them to a film star or occasionally to something weirder.

Now, a wedding hall is a perfect place where she can unleash this talent of hers. A couple of men walk into the venue and she is all set to bracket them. One guy according to her has the classic good looks of Vinod Khanna, while the other one looks roguishly handsome like Jackie Shroff. Eyeing another fair smart girl sitting ahead she quips, “Look at that girl over there, she’s so fair that all her features seem to have merged and her face looks like one big idli.”

Since my neighbour is single and incorrigible we indulge her and take in her comments with a pinch of salt or should I say a bushel. She doesn’t spare her own self either. One of her favourite line goes like this: “If only my nose was a little longer I would have looked like Zeenat Aman.”

Once at a small gathering, we neighbours were at the receiving end. Looking at my sister she said, “You are the Pooja Bhatt of your family.” An observation which I must say was spot on. Another young girl she commented looked like Aishwarya Rai minus her light eyes while yet another one Kareena Kapoor because of her close-set eyes. When it was my turn to be graded, I was all fired up expecting a name like Sridevi or perhaps Madhuri to crop up.

I was stumped when I heard the final verdict. She took a long look at me, sighed and then said, “Every time I look at your hair and those naughty brown eyes I’m reminded of Julie; she was such a sweet thing.”

Now, Julie happened to be her dead Pomeranian dog!