About success and self-esteem

About success and self-esteem


Maulika SharmaDear Madam
I am currently studying in 11 Std and am doing science. I scored 9 CGPA in 10 standard. I want to become a doctor, but I am being distracted from my studies in school. I know that this is the age to study, but some boys come and say that I look very cute and ask me to accept their proposal. Thinking I may not get such a nice person ever again I gravitate towards him!   But, first of all, is it necessary to have a boyfriend? And, what is love? Please tell me what to do?

Distracted Student

Dear Distracted Student

I understand that you have a feeling that you may never find a ‘nice’ boy again and that drives you to getting distracted with the current boy who is pursuing you. I would like you to think about it. Why do you feel that you will never find another boy? Do you believe that you are not good enough and therefore should grab whoever is coming your way right now? I have written some articles earlier on the topics of self esteem and self image which can be found at http://archive.deccanherald.com/Content/May22009/living20090501133620.asp and http://www.deccanherald.com/content/97262/how-balanced-your-seesaws.html. Read them if you get a chance. You have to believe in yourself, and believe that you are good enough to find an appropriate partner whenever you are ready for it.

I also get a sense that you may be getting distracted because you feel you must have a boyfriend, otherwise you won’t be ‘cool’ enough amongst your peers. A boyfriend is not ‘something’ that you must have, but rather someone whom you are able to connect with as a friend, and at an emotional level. He is someone who loves you for who you are, and not because it is ‘cool’ to be with you. He is someone you feel comfortable with. There is no such age as the right age to love, and the right age to have a boyfriend. When you find the right person you will know.

If you are distracted, then you must consciously try to retain your focus on what you are meant to do — i.e. study. Remember, now is the time to work towards your goals. If, as you say, you want to become a doctor, then you probably have a lot of work to do. If you are able to achieve your goals everything else will fall into place later. If you miss out on your goals now, you may not get another chance to achieve them later. Unfortunately, there is a sequence of events in life, and sometimes doing things in the wrong order may spoil the eventual outcome.
All the best.

Dear Madam,
I am a student of BE final year. I have not been able to clear the aptitude tests of 3 companies. Even though I work hard I am unable to get short listed. I scored 80.83% in my 12th and 85.92% in my 10th exams. My academic result is 65.373%. What shall I do now?


Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you should feel disheartened so early on in your search. If you have not cleared 3 aptitude tests, it does not mean that you are not good enough. It just means that you have not done well in those tests, and that you need to hone your skills in appearing for those tests some more. See it as an opportunity to develop your skills, like a test of mock exams before the final ones. Remember, failure is never a person.

If we use that failure as an opportunity to learn something, then it is not a failure at all. Also, remember, that success in the workplace is not a function of your marks. Success in the workplace is a function of other skills. What the workplace needs today is not marks, but self-esteem.

Dear Madam
I’m studying in BE (E&C) 2nd year. I have a problem in concentrating in the class, and I don’t understand while studying at home. My friends always say that I don’t have GK in studies and other activities. Please help me.


Dear Avinash,

Try some of the exercises mentioned and see if that helps. I am not sure if you have a problem concentrating in class because your mind wanders, or because something/someone is distracting you. Friends have a very important role to play in life, and that is to accept you for who you are, while at the same time encouraging you to do better.

You need to see the motivation of the ‘friends’ whom you are allowing to pass judgement on you. If you believe in yourself, you will find a way to concentrate and improve your learning and performance.